Love

14

Me and August went into the house into my old room. "You okay?" He said as he sit on my bed. "Yeah it's just a lot." I said still taking in my old room. "You don't have to lie. I know it's hard." he said. I looked down and started playing with my fingers. I looked at him "No I'm not okay." I started crying. "My mom was my bestfriend. She knew almost everything that was going on in my life until I got with Kevin. He wouldn't let me come visit her or talk to her on the phone for to long. I haven't seen my mom in god knows how long because Kevin. But I blame myself cause I should of left. I should of came to visit my mom when there was time. Now it's too late and she's gone. My mom is gone." I semi-yelled and cried harder. August pulled me on top of him and hugged me. I just cried on his chest into his shirt "I miss her August." I said crying more. "I know. It's going to get easier but it takes a while. But just know i'm here for you cause I been through this. I got you babygirl." He said then kissed my forehead. I just laid on him and cried until I fell asleep.

Later that night
I woke up and August was still holding me. He was watching a movie. He kissed my forehead and started rubbing my back "You okay?"he asked. I looked up at him "It just feels like it's a dream I can't wake up from. I just want it to go away." I said. "I know baby." he said. I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were swollen and red. I just started crying again. I miss my mom like crazy. This shit doesn't feel real like it just doesn't. I was crying so hard that I started breathing heavy and started having a panic attack. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then I fell and everything went black.

August PoV
I was laying down waiting for Lo to come back out the bathroom but then a heard a big bang. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. She was passed out on the floor. Chris came running in "What happen?" he asked. "I don't know." I said holding her head up. "Check her pulse. Make sure she still breathing." Chris said. I checked on her neck and felt her heartbeat and then I open her mouth to make sure she was still breathing. "Yeah she has a heartbeat and she breathing." I said. Then Kaila and they're dad came in "What happen?" Kaila asked. "She just fell." Chris said. "Put her in the shower and let the water hit her." They're dad said. Me and Chris picked her up and put her in the shower. Chris turned the water on "What is this suppose to do?" Kaila said. "She most likely just had a panic attack and passed out. The water wakes them up." He said.

Love eyes open up slowly "What happen?" She asked. I grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug "Yo you scared me shawty." I said. She hugged me back "I'm sorry." she said. I helped her out "Let's let her get changed then come out to the living room." her dad said. They left me and Love in the bathroom "Yo I was scared as shit just now. I didn't know what happened so I didn't know how to try and save you." I said then putting my head in my hands. She grabbed my hands "I'm sorry that I make you go through that." Love said. I pulled her by her waist "Don't do that again beautiful." I said then kissed her. She started blushing "Let me change." She said and walked to her closet.

Love POV
I changed into a black hoodie and grey tights with black no show socks. I put my hair into a messy bun. I walked out my closet and August was sitting on the bed. "You were suppose to be in New York for a week. Thank you for coming to be here for me but you have work that needs to be done. You can go back to New York." I said walking over to him. "What you don't want me here?" He said. "Of course I want you here but I know how important work is to you. So if you need to get back you don't have to stay. I'll be fine." I said. "I want to be here. Your my shawty, Chris is my bestfriend and Kaila is my soon to be bestfriend. I'm not only here for you. But mostly because of you. Work can wait." He said. I smiled "Okay." I said and kissed him. He looked me in my eyes "Let's go. Your dad is probably waiting." he said. I laughed and we walked out to the living room.

Chris and Kaila was sitting on one couch, me and August sat in the other and my dad sat in his favorite chair. "So wassup dad." Chris said. " Okay so you guys know how your mom and her siblings weren't close." Dad said. We all nodded "So she said since it would only be me you guys and abuela and abuelo. She wanted to be cremated so they're will be no funeral. She just wants a little thing with us." He said. "Okay yeah that's fine. When will we have it?"Chris asked. "2 days. You're grandparents get here tomorrow." dad said. I let a tear fall because I just can't believe we having this conversation. "Hey so I found something going through moms things." Kaila said putting a cd in the dvd player. The video started playing. My mom was holding Kaila as newborn baby watching me and chris open our christmas presents. "Lourdes Love make sure your showing daddy your presents as you open them." my mom said.

I smiled at the way she says my name. Only she calls me Lourdes Love. Then I just started crying "I can't watch this." I said getting up walking outside. My dad came after me "Hey Hey Love it's going to be okay." He said. "Is it really dad. Cause that's all I've been told for the last past couple of days since you told me she pasted. I feel like my world is crumbling. Like I'm dying a slowly painful death. I miss her dad." I said crying more. He pulled me into a hug "I know baby. I miss her too. Me and your mom been together for 25 years. I never been without her since we got together. So to know I'm living here with out her and going to sleep with out her, not coming home to her cooking. That shit hurts me too. But I got to be strong for y'all. I have to be here for y'all. I'll get through it by making sure y'all get through it. You mom was and still is the love of my life. She will always be my #1 lady. I know how much this hurts trust me but I promise you mija it's going to get better. We have each other and I see the way August treats you. I see a lot of myself in him. You have him too. That boy loves you just like we do. Maybe a lot more tho." I laughed at my dad comment.

"See we cry then we laugh. But we going to get through this mija." my dad said. "I love you papa." I said hugging him. "I love you too mija." he said kissing my forehead. We went back into the house and Kaila was looking through pictures on the couch. My dad went to his room "Where Chris and August?" I asked Kaila. "Chris went to the bathroom and August went into the room." She said. I sat next to her "What you looking at ?" I said. "Mommy's baby book. Look." She said showing me my mom as a baby. "We look so much like her." Kaila said. "I think that something that kinda makes this easier. I can just look at you a see her. But it makes it hard because when I look in the mirror I see her." I said. Kaila let a tear fall "We got each other. As hard as this is going to be we got to be here for each other." Kaila said. I nodded "I love you K." I said hugging her. "I love you to Love." she said hugging me back. "I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you in the morning." I said getting up. "Okay goodnight." She said and I walked to my room.

August was laying on his stomach scrolling through his phone. I got on top of his and started rubbing his back. I started to think about what my dad said but I didn't want to say anything because it's too soon to say I love you. But god knows I'm falling hard for this boy. I'll just wait till we get back to Cali. I got off and laid next to him. He turned towards me so we could be face to face. He kissed my nose and then my forehead. I smiled and he just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I kissed him and closed my eyes.