I'm Not Ready

Chapter 15.

After the movie, I headed upstairs to my room. I quickly wash up and went to bed.

Lying on my bed, I couldn't help but think about the events that happened today.

I quickly took out the journal which I kept in the bag with a lock. I took it out and started writing.

I wrote about how I felt when he left me. How I felt when I met Ryan. How I felt when I told him everything.

I wrote down everything.

I flipped through the pages of my journals.

I had 4 journals for the past 10 years.

Wow. It's been 10 years since Mom died. I missed her.

Ever since my mother passed away when I was 10, I started to keep stuff to myself. I started to not talk as much. I started to write more. I dreamt about Mom even more.

2 years later, my Dad met my Stepmother, Melody. They started going out. After about a year, they got married.

I still remember the day we went for dinner together for the first time.

_ _ _

*Flashback*

I fiddled with the hem of my dress as my dad chatted with Melody.

Am I supposed to call her that?

Or should I call her 'Mom'?

These thoughts were running through my mind as I thought about the possibility of my dad marring Melody.

Seated in front of me was a boy. He was 13. He introduced himself to me as Ryan.

I was looking down at my thighs as I waited for Dad to come out from the kitchen so we can eat.

I was wearing this light blue dress with spaghetti strips. I wore a hand knit jacket above it.

He brought out the food and we dug in. Dad and Melody was acting all lovey dovey that I felt I had no appetite.

Well, you can't blame a 10 year old to feel mushy...

I looked up from my plate of chicken and looked at Ryan. He was staring at me.

He looked at me and asked,"What school do you go?"

I shook my head and just stared at my chicken. If looks could kill, my chicken would already be dead.

Oh wait, it already is.

Mumbling under his breath,"Sorry for trying to start a conversation..."

_ _ _

Soon after, Melody and dad wanted to watch a movie at home together.

I went to my room after giving my dad the excuse of having homework that I have to do.

Putting on my earpiece, I blasted music into my ears as I wrote about Melody in my journal.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. I opened the door, in fear of Melody coming in to give me some talk about remarrying.

After watching some movies, I really concluded that that may be possible.

Opening the door, I realised it was Ryan.

He said,"Hey, erm. My mom asked me to check on you..." It was so awkward. He stood there, at my doorstep, rocking his weight back and forth on his toes.

I didn't know what to do until, he asked,"Can I... Erm. Come in?"

I nodded my head and quickly let him in.

After letting him in, he took a seat on the bed.

He blurted a question. That question changed how I thought of him ever since.

"What if our parents got married? Are you not going to change your life? Are you still going to live as this quiet girl who doesn't even know her stepmother or stepbrother because she's shy?"

I know that that was not that was not true. I'll show my true colours when the time is right.

But the way he said it, the tone, it was like something clicked inside me that I wanted to tell him everything him.

Since then, whenever we go to each others house, we would stay in the room and chat about ourselves or about our day in school or any other thing.

*End of flashback*

I still remembered the day clearly as I had written everything in my journal. I flipped to another page and saw the page where I had written about meeting One Direction.

Reading through it, I smiled sadly as I know I will never be able to meet them again.

As I flipped to the last page, I realised that I hadn't see their autographs yet.

It was just such a hurry. Then everything happened so quickly.

I looked through it. Just then, I saw a string of numbers beside Niall's signature.

Suprised, I counted the number of numbers. There were 8! It's enough to be a phone number, I thought to myself.

Getting this wild idea, I decided to try to call the number.

But then, I changed my mind and told myself that even if it is a phone number, it's so late, he or she would already be sleeping!

Right then, a wave of tiredness rushed through me. I yawned loudly as I closed the journal.

I slowly climbed into the bed and, as soon as my head touches the pillow, I fell into deep sleep.