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There will be moments where you think you're over it, and then there will be moments where you're crying on the bathroom floor unable to pull yourself together. I was currently in a bathroom floor moment. The house was once again all in boxes and the moving truck outside waiting for me to go outside to leave, but I couldn't. All I could think about was the first time I left charming. Watching through the rearview mirror as my hometown got further and further away. It's not running if you leave nothing behind I told myself. It's not giving up if you're leaving to start over, but how many times can one person start over. How many places will never feel like home because he's not here with me.
"Karma are you okay?" Wendy asked slowly opening the door. I peeled myself off the floor wiping off the mascara stains and splashing some cold water to combat the redness. "Oh sweetie." She wrapped me in a tight hug. "I know, I know leaving never gets easier does it."
"No it really doesn't." I mumbled. "But I need to pull myself together I have the boys to think about. I have you to think about. I'm not the only person who lost someone." I shook my head trying to shake the memory of the last conversation with my sister out of my head. 'If anything happens to me you take the boys.' I was doing the best I could but lately it didn't feel like enough.
"You lost your husband Karma. You're allowed to hurt and take time to care for yourself." Wendy reassured me. "Now let's get your butt in that car and let's go start fresh. Santa Padro won't know what hit them when we roll in!" I followed her out to the car. The boys were fast asleep in there car seats by the time we pulled out of the driveway. Again my life was vanishing in the rearview. I pulled my sleeve up staring at the crow tattoo before turning to Wendy who was singing along to the radio.
