Moment of weakness - Mayans MC

Ch 8

"Jaxon," I handed my brother-in-law a glass of whisky before bending down and scooping up my nephew. I cooed at Thomas as his eyelids fluttered shut and he nestled himself into my chest. Jax was silent as he played with the large rings on his hands. "We must stay strong for them Jax." I whispered causing the blonde haired man to look at me. His eyes grew dark as he stuck a finger in my face.

"I can't Karma I've lost to much...we both have."
—
"I was quite young when I got involved with the sons," I sipped the rum slowly not wanting to look at coCo as the tears silently slipped down my face. "Maybe that's why I didn't think it through. Maybe that's why I gave up everything to stick by him."

—
"Stupidity runs in your family Karma do you not see that! Was any of this worth it?! Was loosing everyone you lived for worth it!" Jaxon began to yell. I handed Thomas off to Chibs before pulling the man in-front of me out of the clubhouse. "Young love blinded me just like it blinded you. I'm sorry Karma but you and I both know that to be true."

"Love was worth it Jaxon. Love will always be worth it. So get your fucking shit together because you have two sons who need you and they have lost enough they don't need to loose you to because you do something stupid!" It was my turn to point a finger at him waiting for him to slap me across the face for acting so aggressively towards him but instead he did something unexpected. Jaxon teller broke down at my feet. I crouched down in-front of him letting my feelings get the best of me to. "You and I are in this together now Jax. I need you. Okay."

"Okay," he blubbered out but from the look in his eyes I knew he was planning something. Something that would only destroy this family more. Destroy it to a point that it could never be repaired.
—
"Someone once asked me if all the pain I went through was worth it. If loosing everyone I lived for was worth it. I said for love it was. The older I get the more I feel like I lied when I said that. I lost myself. With each person I lost it took another piece of me." I admitted finally looking at the man across from me. His expression was blank and I could see the cogs turning in his mind as he tried to think of a reply. "This crow on my arm is a death sentence and I'm not walking down that road again Johnny. I can't."

"You can't?" His blurted throwing back the rest of his beer then nodding to himself as he motioned to the bar tender for another. "You can't."

"You keep her out of it." I sighed. "Lettys a smart girl, but then again so was I. Give her a choice."

"You had a choice to." He remarked.

"And look where the fuck that got me," I slammed down my glass my eyes glazing over. I could feel the steam blowing out of my ears before I quickly gathered myself. "I have done things I am not proud of. Things I wouldn't have done if I wasn't involved with the people I was with so yes I did have a choice. And yes maybe I would choose it again, but I would choose it with him. Only him." Coco nodded knowingly as the tension grew between us. His eyes were still soft as they watched me. I knew he didn't know what to say. "We can not see one another again mr Cruz. Do you understand."

"No." He stood up and walked over to me placing one hand behind me on the chair. "I do not understand." He cocked his head to the side and moved in closer to me his breath warm. "You're scared of something. We all are. But I have a feeling you're more scared to not take a chance then you are to take one." I leaned in closer my lips brushing over his before his hand laced into my hair and he pulled me closer. "I'll be waiting for your call Karma. Even if it takes a while to come."