After Sanctum (The 100)Bellarke fanfic

Not worth it

- What? Why no? - she asked, she desperately wanted to get out of the ship. She wanted something to do.

- Is not safe- he simply said.

- not safe?, I thought that all the trips had been successful.- this didn't make any sense to her. Since when he rejected the option of her been in the mission.

- Yes they had , that doesn't mean that the following ones will be. I can't risk having you there, not right now.

- How is me been part of it a risk?- she asked almost to the edge of indignation.

- You just broke you ankle that's how.

- My ankle is fine, if you haven't notice I am not using the stick to walk anymore.- there was more to it than this, she knew it was.

- Walking not running, you need more time to heal, and that's final- he said really serious- and considering that you gave me the power, I get to decided that you are not going. You can help around here, there is a lot to do.- and then he turn around to keep on examining the blueprints.

- Why would I need to run?, we have no one to run from.-this was bullshit, she did told him that she didn't want to take part in the decisions but this was ridiculous.- Bellamy if it bothers you to make the decisions alone you can tell me.- she said trying no to fight, putting her hand in his shoulder to make him turn so she could look at his face.

- It is not about that. - he said avoiding to look into her eyes - I need to think about safety and convenience, and you can not be part of the next trip.

- Fine, but at least tell me what is the real reason, I know this is just part of the truth. -she said grabbing his face forcing him to look into her eyes - you didn't come to visit me once these weeks, and I know you had been angry for something since we came back. I just thought that you were busy, and that it was because Russell escaped, but now I have the feeling that it has to do with me.

Bellamy kept silence for a long time,  looking at Clarke has if he was debating if he should just say it and get over with it or make a excuse.

- Do you even care for your safety?- he finally said.

This made Clarke let go of his face, she didn't expect those words.

- What? What do you mean?- she wasn't prepare for that question. It might sound so simple to respond but she knew that, that was just the surface of what he wanted to say.

- What do I mean? I mean your absolute lack of care when it comes to put yourself in dangerous situations without thinking on how that affects around you, to justify it with that is the right thing to do and that it saves everyone. Everyone but you of course. Why does it always has to be you?.

Of all the things that he could be mad at her for, he was mad at this...,AT THIS?

- What does that even mean, you know why. Putting anyone else in that position would be unfair and selfish. What does this have to do with you been angry?- it just didn't make sense to her.

- You saw us, you knew we were right behind you and you still jump off that cliff, you could have died - he said, Clarke only had see him this angry in very few occasions. - you could have waited for us but you took the riskiest move and jumped. Why don't you give your live the importance that has ?

Clarke was shocked by that, she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach and she couldn't remember the ability to breath.

- You and Gabriel were to far away and I had to try to delay him so you could catch him. I knew the cliff wasn't that deep and I am fine. - she said after recovering from the shock. She felt the need to defend her actions. Although she wasn't sure why, those seemed really clear at the time for her.

-Yes because your broken ankle was nothing, and this is not even the worst time you had done it. It was your suggestion to get separated to look. Despite all my efforts you still insisted on pretend to be Josephine. You injected yourself with nightblood so the experimentation was done with you, and you were the one who put the flame and take the chip knowing that your brain could melt of be lost in the city of light. So tell me how am I wrong for questioning the value you put to your own life. - he said almost screaming, he said it, he finally said it, all the thoughts that had been always there, and that just grew like adding fuel to a fire everytime she did something like that. He couldn't bear to keep watching her doing this to herself and do nothing anymore. He just couldn't.

Clarke felt like ice water when all the way through her spine, every word been like ice cubes that just make the water colder and made her shake.

- That is not fair - she say trying to hold the tears that were starting to roll down her cheeks- someone had to do it and I didn't see you volunteering or anyone else. I bear it so they didn't have to. Plus who does even care about my safety? - she explored , she had done all those things and he always supported her , this just seem to come out of nowhere - what does it matter, if everybody get to live? NO ONE HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT BEFORE, WHY YOU SUDDENLY HAVE ONE?

- I HAVE ALWAYS HAVE ONE- Bellamy was trying to control his words but it was like the things that he never dare to speak out loud were teaming up to come out of his mouth- AND I CARE.

- Why...?- Clarke said looking at him with the face shining from her tears, she was so close to him that she had to raise her head a little to look into his eyes - Why would you...?, I mean Bellamy I know you save me and you care for me, but ....

But she didn't get to finish the question, Bellamy had grabbed her by her waist ,erasing the centimeters that separated them, making her shut up putting his mouth with hers. Clarke didn't react at the beginning for the surprise, but it only took her a second to grabbed his neck and back trying to bring him closer, leaving not space between them while they devour each other's mouths. They kissed hard and long, and none wanting to let go as if they were afraid the other would disappear if they did, they just separated to take air , but just an inch.

- How can you be so blind and not realize after everything I did to bring you back how I feel?, how I have always felt. You are out of your mind if you think I am letting you put yourself in danger voluntarily and not even say anything.

Before they could realize it Bellamy was holding Clarke by the hips, and Clarke has her legs around his waist. Bellamy took her to the table were he was examining the blueprint earlier and seated her, just to continue kissing her, all over, her lips, her cheeks and her neck, while she was discovering his back with her hands.

Clarke had let herself get lost in the kiss, in Bellamy's warm, in his hands al over her body, so she wasn't thinking clearly. When she started to realize what was happening she separated from him sharply.

- Bellamy  wait... I can't... we can't- she  jumped down the table just to find that her legs were failing her and Bellamy had to help her stand.

- Clarke ... if is for Echo... I broke up with her weeks ago... I..- he said but before he could finished she said.

- Is not just Echo.... - she hold her his face with both her hands and make the foreheads touch, she was crying again- I just can do this to you ... no you... if I lost you... I can't do this.- she said and leave running, leaving a very confused Bellamy behind.

She always had wished for that moment to happen, but she always kept herself in line to not go there, she was curse and she wasn't gonna let that Bellamy ended up as Lexa or Finn. She just couldn't allow herself to lose him. Not him. His dead and Madi's were the only ones that she knew she wasn't gonna be able to come back from.