Beautifully Broken

18

I take a while to get ready. I put on jeans a blouse, fix my hair into soft curls and smile in the mirror.

The past week was so magical but now we're back to reality.

Mom's excited, ready for church. We meet the Ramsey's at their car and we sing along to some new song I learned on the way to church.

Annika greets us and stays by me during the whole service.

Her mom preaches today.

"Good morning, everyone." She says, while fixing her Bible and iPad. "Tell your neighbor, you need to get ready."

"You need to get ready." I tell Annika and mom.

We smile at each other and listen as she continues.

"Do you believe that correction is good?" She asks, looking at each corner of the room. People mumble but we answer with a yes. "Today we'll be talking about having an open heart. Sometimes the reason why we don't grow is not because of what someone else is limiting for us but what we are limiting ourselves to. Sometimes the seeds planted can't grow because you're harboring weeds that hide them. And often times, these weeds are invisible to you. You don't even know that they keep you from having an open heart. In order to receive all that God wants to tell you and give you, you have to be open. Open palmed and open hearted. But you can't be open if you're holding onto something."

She walks around, looking at us, her eyes showing how desperate she wants us to understand this. "Sometimes that seed is covered by doubt. Maybe fear, anger, jealousy, bitterness, and so on."

I feel my heart thumping. It's like it's telling me that one or two of those reasons is keeping it from being 'open'. Quiet, heart.

"When you let these feelings, these weeds, grow, they will get stronger and delay you from achieving your purpose. You cannot afford to let weeds cover up that seed and stop you. It's time to get filtering and remove the seeds that don't belong. Don't let them take over that beautiful garden in that heart of yours." She continues on about the topic. Having an open heart is to be forgiving, understanding, humble and willing to accept failure and still move forward.

I process the words she shares and wonder how I could apply that when it's just too hard.

"Proverbs four twenty three says that we must guard our hearts for everything we do flows from it. This doesn't just apply to the parents telling their children this so they won't go on having secret relationships or getting a boyfriend when dad isn't ready to let go yet." Laughter can be heard from some people and I smile too. "This also applies to our emotions, the temporary feelings. When we don't guard our heart against the anger, jealousy, pride, bitterness and all that, what do you think comes out of your heart and life?"

I think about it. I've never been the kind to hold grudges or become a bully because of my lack of love. But I guess being angry and bitter did play a part on my heart. It's tired and only recently has been trying to get better.

She lists down more verses and I take the time to digest them.

Proverbs 23:26
"My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways."

Psalm 51:15
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Psalm 26:2
"Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind."

Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

And the one that got me most.