Beautifully Broken

33

Mina

The day has arrived. Jennifer and her mom sit on the left side and we join them. I'm nervous, my hands visibly shaking.

I've never been at a trial or court or even any law firm. This is such a big thing.

We prayed before we entered, asking God for guidance and favor. This is a big case and I can see the weight of it all on Jennifer and her mom. Things are changing for them.

I'm ready to pardon Jennifer but I know now is not the time for that announcement.

Her father is brought before us and the room goes quiet.

The entire process takes up the whole day and I'm exhausted. Jennifer's worse.

I hold out a hand for her and she takes it. We walk down the stairs outside the courthouse and sit on the sidewalk.

Cole got food with the moms. Mom's trying to talk and comfort Jennifer's mom. This is no easy trial. Dad was supposed to be part of it too. I saw mom's aching face and gave my pardon for him. I can't lose him again.

"I didn't think I'd feel so much." Jennifer says with a dry laugh. "I thought it would be easy seeing him get what he deserves."

She sighs. "But it's not. He's still my dad."

I nod. "No matter what happened, the blood still runs through our veins."

We watch cars zoom by on the highway.

"Have you ever wished for another family? Like magically, one day, you wake up in another house with  perfect family and a good life? All kind and no secrets?" She asks, facing the highway, but I know she's asking me.

"Too many times. I wished to move cities, to be invisible, to be numb of the pain, to even take my life." I admit.

I feel her eyes on me. "It wasn't just home. School was horrible except for track. Media became a horror house this year too. It seemed like everywhere I went, life was mocking me."

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

I smile and put an arm around her. "You changed and you helped. You're forgiven."

"Are you sure?" She asks, tears in her eyes. She's struggling to stay frustrated or cry in joy. "That was so much. I may have a worse father but you experienced the worst."

I laugh softly. "I learned over time that with God, it'll all be okay. Not always in the way we expect but better."

"It's so hard." She cries.

"I know." I say, rubbing her back.

"I'm glad your family's getting back together." She says, wiping her tears.

"No family's perfect. And that makes it better, I guess. We can try to be better together. To accept and love all over again, every day." I say, thinking. "The ability to choose those things is better than naturally doing it in a robotic way, you know? Imagine if we were all perfect. The sincerity and heartfelt love wouldn't be as valued."

"That makes sense." She agrees. "Mom loves me. She's quieter in showing it and tries real hard but I know she does."

"She loves you more than you know." I assure her.

We sit in silence until Cole and our moms arrive.

"How are you feeling?" Cole asks her, sitting on the other side of me.

She smiles. "What my freshman self would give to hear you ask that."

Cole smiles. "You went all out."