Is It Wrong?

Chapter Four

*One Direction- Through The Dark*

TRIGGER WARNING!

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LOUIS' POV

I woke up extremely cold and tired. It is 8am and the house is so quiet. I've never been the type of person that likes the silence but in this case it was perfect. I though over what happened last night. How we rehearsed Diana and i cried. That song always got me emotional. I also remembered what i did last night when i left the boys to come to bed.

~flashback~

I came up to bed. I couldn't stay in the basement with the boys. I was already crying because of diana. That song got me everytime. I dont know why , i guess it reminded me of the past 4 months. The boys didnt know it but i guess they would never know because i dont tell them and i wear a lot of bracelets.

I got into the room and collected a bandage out of my overnight bag which i packed yesterday and made my way into the bathroom.

I cut myself. Three clean horizontal cuts across my wrist. I deserved it though. Im apart of the biggest boyband around to this day and there can't be three gay guys in the same band. Liam and Zayn are gay. I can't like harry, he is the womeniser of the band after all, he doesnt like boys. He likes girls. That's all that was going through my mind.

I liked the way the blade tugged and broke my skin ,the way the cut stung for a little while and the way i squint as the blade made it's way across my bare skin, it reminded me that i was human and still living.

I dont regret it though, i never do. But i knew deep down that i shouldn't do it. And that i should love myself but why would i love myself is no one else loves me?

I got up and washed my wounds then wrapped them in a thin bandage. I started placing my bracelets on one by one to cover the bandage so no-one could see. I placed 13 bracelets on my wrist, that was enough to fully cover my bandage covering the recently made scars.

I made my way back into the bedroom, once i had cleaned the blade and washed the sink and climbed into bed and dosed off with tear stained cheeks.

~Flashback over~

I checked my wrists, they have already started to heal and scab over. I got up and went into the bathroom to wash them again and clean them properly. I got the anti-septic wipes out of Niall's emergency cupboard and starting wiping. It stung, it felt just as good as last night, if not better. I rinsed them and put a smaller bandage on to make sure my bracelets cover the bandage.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth then made my way back into the bedroom to collect my hooded jumper and my black skinny jeans. I walked in and Harry was awake.

"Good morning", i said as i rummaged through my over night backpack.

" 'morning Lou", Harry replied.

I loved it when he calls me 'Lou' so i smiled. A proper smile, not a fake smile that i normally do to prove to the boys I'm alright when they ask, when in reality i'm not. 

I found my clothes and made my way back to the bathroom to get changed.

HARRY'S POV

" 'morning Lou", i said in reply to louis' previous 'good morning'. I waited until Louis got what he was looking for and went before i got out of bed and made myself breakfast. It is only 9am and I'm awake.