Is It Wrong?

Chapter Seven

*Ed Sheedan's cover -Stay With Me" (Originally sang by Sam Smith)

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HARRY'S POV

20 minutes had passed. I went upstairs and knocked on his door.

"Come in" he shouted. I walked in and sat beside him on his bed.

"I need to talk to you about something but I dont know how to put it into words" I
explained.

Louis just nodded, "Take your time."

It took me a while to figure out how to ask louis about self harming. But I managed to ask.

"Louis, I need to tell you what I know. I know you- erm- you...self harm. I haven't told the boys yet and I don't plan on telling them, they dont need to know unless you want them to know. I'm sorry but I can't sit back and listen to you go to the bathroom at night, knowing that you self harm. I have known for 3 months but I didn't want to confront  you, incase it made you angry or upset with me." I told him lightly.

I couldn't believe I said it but I did. I dont regret telling him but I regret keeping it from him for so long.

LOUIS' POV

"Louis, I need to tell you what I know. I know you-erm- you... self harm." Harry said lightly.

He knows. I hate myself, he knows I self harm but he will never know all the reasons why. I still can't believe he has known for so long and that he knows I do it on a night time and not during the day. He actually paid attention and he cares or else he wouldn't be telling me.

"I haven't told the boys yet and I don't plan on telling them, they dont need to know unless you want them to know. I'm sorry but I can't sit back and listen to you go to the bathroom at night, knowing that you self harm. I have known for 3 months but i didnt want to confront you, incase it made you angry or upset with me." He continued.

Thank god he hasn't told the boys. I don't know how they would take it, especially Liam. Liam would be crushed. He likes to live up to his "daddy" role and finding out that one of us have went behind his back and selfharmed without him knowing would crush him. But this isn't about Liam, it's about me and my insecurities.

"Just please dont tell the boys...Or my family. If my mum finds out, I would be crushed. I know she will think she failed me and she hasn't. To be completely honest with you she is my only source of happiness. My family is the only reason I'm here today so don't tell them please, I'm begging you", I pleaded.

I don't know what I would do if he told my family. I couldn't face them knowing they know I'm not happy in my own skin. My mum would blame herself and my siblings would feel helpless, especially my older siblings who understand.

I was so happy to hear the words "I won't , I promise. This can be between me and you" come from him until he continued with "but you have to tell me everything so I can help you through it"

I dont know why everyone assumes everyone who selfharms wants help. I don't want help, I want to be left alone and continue the life I'm living until my time is up.

I didn't want my family to know so I agreed to tell him everything.

"I started selfharming 4 months and 1 week ago. I did it because....I cant talk to you about this. Its too personal, I'm sorry." I said as I pulled the covers up to my face and I began to sob.

Harry climbed under the duvet and pulled me into him chest then whispered , "You don't have to tell me it all tonight. I understand it is hard on you and that you need time to open up to me, bestfriends or not,we all need time to tell others personal problems, take your time. I won't tell anyone"

His breath was warm on my ear as he talked and it made me shiver. Why did he have to whisper in my ear when I'm crying? I can' help but smile a little as he spoke words I never thought anyone would say.

Then reality hit me again as I pulled my legs up to my chest and continuted to cry. Why is everything so hard for me?

Harry pulled me closer into him and said, "Would you like me to go?".

"No, stay please?".

"I'll stay, I promise", Harry replied.

I didn't think he would stay with me but he did. I'm glad he did because before I knew it, I was asleep in his arms.

HARRY'S POV

Its 8:30pm and Louis has just fell asleep in my arms. I didnt want to leave him incase he woke up and went to the bathroom to cut again but i needed to get a drink. So i got up everso quietly and slowly , trying to not wake him. I looked at his sleeping body before i walked out to go down for a drink and he was still sleeping. He was cute when he slept.

I walked downstairs quietly and made myself a cup of tea but while i was making it i heard a noise coming from upstairs.

LOUIS' POV

I felt Harry remove himself from my bed and go down stairs. I waited a few minutes before i got up and went to the bathroom. I dont know why he would leave me after he promised he'd stay. I know I'm not worth his time but he could have atleast stayed longer until i was in a deep sleep. I walked into the bathroom then did the usual. I removed my bracelets and bandage and placed them on the side. I went through the cupboard and found the sharp razor blade that was clean, the way i hate it.

All that went through my head as i pulled the sharpened razor across my bare arm, drawing blood which oozed quickly out of the freshly made cuts was that i was worthless. I am worthless, Harry is my bestfriend and he wouldn't even keep his promise made to me. I have never asked him for anything before so it wasn't like i was pestering him, or was i?

I dont know but what i do know is that i can hear harry making his way back upstairs so i quickly flushed the chain and washed my arm. Then i placed a clean bandage on my wrist and put all 13 bracelets over the bandage, the way i always do.

I walked back to the bedroom and Harry was already there, waiting for me , drinking a cup of tea. I walked in and said "you dont have to stay anymore". He looked shocked and uneasy as he replied "no, i promised I'd stay, so im staying here for the night"

I have just cut because I though he broke his promise. He only went to get a drink but my mind did over time and told me he wasnt coming back.

I thanked him and climbed into bed. I felt guilty.  I should have waited to see if he would return but then i realised that i do it all the time, its like a routine and 5 more cuts shouldnt affect me, right?

Harry pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me. It only took me 45 minutes to fall back to sleep. I fell back to sleep in Harry's arms, i just hope i wake up in them. This is my way to test if i can trust him 100%. If i dont wake up in his arms tomorrow then i can't trust him or tell him anything.

I just hope i can trust someone and if that someome is going to be anyone, i want it to be Harry.

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