VIXEN

32.

Lorraine.

"Lorraine, you okay?" Lorenzo asked, sitting next to me. "Yeah, I'm fine." Lately I have been thinking about what Chresanto, said, and I can't deny it. I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling the same way. "No your not, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied. I always seem to think of Chresanto and I argument, like I've been traumatized. "Did Chresanto do something?" I shook my head no, hoping he would leave it alone. He got up and grabbed his car keys and left. I knew he was going to go talk to Chresanto, and I could only hope Chresanto wouldn't say anything.

I had fallen asleep on the couch, to be women by a slamming door. I could only assume what he was angry about, Chresanto must have told him. "I don't love him Lorenzo, if that's what your thinking."

"How would I know that?"

"Do you really expect me to love him?"

"Yes!" I was shocked at how he would really think that. "All the time y'all would spend together! After all of our arguments who did you run to? Who did you stay with when I thought you were missing for eight months?" I didn't know what or how to respond, he was making me feel guilty. I wish I could tell him the truth, but it would only make him more angry.

He went upstairs, and never came back down. I never moved from my spot, I just thought about different moments, and why do they always happen.

That morning Lorenzo still wasn't talking to me, and I still didn't have an answer. When he left for work, I went upstairs to take a shower. I sat on the bed watching her kick at my stomach, "I wish you would just pop out already." I heard the floor door close, thinking it was Lorenzo coming home for his lunch break, but I was wrong. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"No, and I'm assuming Lorenzo is angry with you?"

"Very, he punched me in the face yesterday after I had told him. I was going to hit him back, but it only would have made it worse."

"He told me to never see you again, but I'm not going to do that." He grew quiet, and he looked really upset. "Where's Bri?"

"She's with my mom," he cried. "I'm sorry, Chresanto."

"It's okay, it's not your fault," he said wiping his tears away. "I have to go," he said standing up. "Don't go, I'm lonely."

By the time Lorenzo got home, Chresanto had already left. I sat outside on the balcony while Lorenzo remained in our bedroom. "I wish things were different," I mumbled to myself. "How different?" Lorenzo said behind me. I ignored his question, feeling him sit next to me. "What are you doing out here? It's cold."

"I'm fine," I mumbled. "I'm sorry about yesterday, I really think I just over reacted."

"It's okay," I stood up and went inside, walking to the guest room. I took my jacket off throwing it on the chair. I took off my shoes, and laid in bed, thinking about Chresanto, when I shouldn't be.

(In the rhythm of Hot Nigga)

Went to Africa a week ago (week ago)

Kill a lion, then I kill a goat (kill a goat)