If only (trans reader x Peter parker)

(11)

A/n: trigger warning, self harm. Read with caution.

I woke up the day after training with peter. My lungs stung as I took in a deep breath and let it back out. It was a cold, depressing day. I slowly crept out of bed, pulling up my white socks and rolling down my sleeves. I looked down at my arms as I covered them, all my old scars, sitting there. Alone. I crept into my bathroom and took a seat on the edge of the counter with my razor blade in hand. I drew a few small lines on my right wrist and a few more on my left. My hand shook as I started a new line. I heard footsteps walking into my room and stopping outside my closed bathroom door. "Y/n? You in here?" Tony yelled. I continued the line, quiet. "Guess not, I'll just take what I needed and go." He responded to himself. The door lock clicked open and I threw the blade under my butt and pulled my sleeves down.

"Y/n? You ok?" He asked me. I nodded. "What did you need?" I asked. "I just needed a toothbrush, I kept spares in here and mine snapped." He replied. "Y/n why are you holding your sleeves to your arms?" He asked. "It's cold out." I replied. He walked closer and gave me the Dad look. "Show me your arms." He Said. I shook my head. "I'm fine tony, I'm just a little cold." I Said. "Then why are you sitting on your cabinet?" He asked. "Because I struggle taking my meds so I have to sit down, is that ok?" I asked. "Hop down from there. I don't want you to fall off." He replied. I slid off the edge and grabbed my razor blade. "Y/n show me what's in your hand." He Said. I shook my head. "Show me." He replied.

I caved under the pressure and pulled my hand to the front of my body. He pulled open my hand and grabbed the razor blade. "Can I see your arms now?" He asked quietly and gently. I slowly nodded as he rolled up my sleeves. "How fresh are these?" He asked, inspecting the cuts. "Like, freshly cut." I replied. He nodded and wrapped them up in bandages so they would stop bleeding. "How long have you, been doing that?" He asked. "Years now. I stopped for a few days after I moved in but relapsed today." I explained. "Because of, her?" He asked. I nodded. "It's ok, be careful if you do it again, ok?" He suggested. I nodded. "Alright, let's get you some food kid." He replied. I followed him out to the kitchen. It was like 2 am so we were the only ones awake. "J.A.R.V.I.S, code maroon, alert doctor banner when he wakes up." Tony Said. "Yes sir." J.A.R.V.I.S replied. "Maroon?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it." He replied, opening the fridge and tossing a small pot of yogurt at me. "Breakfast." He explained, tossing me a spoon. I nodded and smiled gratefully. "Thanks." I Said. "No problem. Kid I don't wanna stumble upon your body one day so come talk to me or Bruce if anything is going on, ok?" He Said. I nodded. "Ok." I replied. "Alright Dad moment over. Wanna watch cartoons before our next mission?" He asked. I nodded and jumped over furniture to land on the couch. I heard tony chuckle. "You're a nut child." He replied, sitting down next to me. Tony turned on the tv and we both slowly drifted off.

"UP AND AT 'EM!" Steve yelled in our ears. I screamed in fear as memories of my aunt flooded back to me. "You asshole!" I yelled. "Eh, you fall asleep you get what's coming." He smiled. "Up, we're heading to an African salvage yard." He explained .tony and I stood up and walked to our rooms to get dressed. We met on the quinjet and left New York. A few hours later we arrived and landed a few minutes walk from a large boat. We got off the plane and started walking. We walked inside and saw Ultron throw a man down the stairs. "Stark is, he's a sickness!" Ultron yelled.

"Awh, junior. You gonna break your old man's heart?" Tony asked. "Nobody has to break anything." Thor Said. "Clearly you've never made an omelet." Ultron started. "Ah yes, this is funny. Mr. Stark. It's what? Comfortable? Like old times?" Asked a tall blonde man. "You two can still walk away from this." Steve called. "Oh, we will." Said a tall brunette woman. Ultron scoffed after Steve started speaking. "Captain America. God's righteous man. Pretending you could live without war. I can't physically throw up, but..." Ultron started. "If you believe in peace, then let us keep it." Thor stated.

"What's the vibranium for?" Tony asked. "Glad you asked." Ultron smirked. He picked tony up and threw him backwards. They both started fighting. Steve grabbed a legionnaire and started fighting it while Thor smacked a few around. The brunette woman threw Steve backwards. Guns started firing in my ears and I couldn't focus. "J.A.R.V.I.S, Play fight playlist on shuffle." I smirked. Music started playing through my earpieces and I started throwing henchmen to the ground.

Clint perched and shot a few henchmen while we all fought the others. There was a flash of blue light and Steve fell back as if he'd been punched. Thor threw mjolnir and the blonde man grabbed it, throwing him backwards and off the railing. Tony brought Ultron outside. More gunfire rang. I was in a small, remote area of the boat, fighting henchmen and legionnaires. I felt a presence behind me and I turned. The brunette girl was there and shot red flames into my head. I screamed and fell to the floor, hallucinations flying through my vision before my brain settled on one.