Love i never knew... (bwwm)

chapter 16

Since the seperations things hasn't gotten any easier,  I took vows for a reason and its like they were in vain because my marriage has fallen apart, all those happy ever after shows and movies were a lie because for sure nothing in my life will end in happy ever after. Frank has been acting as a mediator between Philip and I, I want to see him but am not ready and this will make him bond with Meredith without me. He constanstly calls, I pick up more often now, and he constantly sends flowers or gifts with Frank, the thought counts but he can't buy my affections with his money and that he had to learn, he knew that but he still tried. Jace, Frank, Meredith, Susan and I had a lovely evening, its horrible not having Philip and trust me guilt was setting in wondering if I did the right thing. I honestly do love Philip but right now I don't trust him at all, so I made a decesion to see him and go seek help for our problem.

The next day I got dressed in a beautiful pencil dress and high heels, looking posh. I made my way to the office, it has been a while since I have been here, but I needed to be. I greeted all the old coworkers and had a little chit chat, then walked to Philip's office, I had a huge smile on my face but as soon as I entered the room the smile was wiped off. The same thing I didn't want to see, I saw. Nicole in my husband's office just casually talking, they weren't doing anything, but if he's trying to prove himself as a non-cheater I would think he would try to avoid her. Then again they work together so, both parties stared at me but nothing, I was really angry at Philip, I don't want her near him at all, based on what had happened I thought he wouldn't as well. I looked at him then walked out throught the hallway and made a bee-line to the elevator, to my surprise Nicole followed me and got in with me. She pushed the stop button for the elevator and we stopped.

"You got some nerve."I barked at her.

"I know you hate me and you have every right to, but nothing happened in there, I was just going over a business proposition. "

"Don't you think you have done enough?"I asked honestly.

"I know and am sorry, but you don't understand,  how would you feel if the person you thought was the one, the one you waited for since college, doesn't feel the same, instead he wants someone else, how you feel watching him fall in love. I may be selfish but I always wanted what was best for him, I admitt I was jealous, still am but I have never seen him hurt the way he is now because of dumb mistakes."

"Well he has you to thank for that"

She nodded."that's fair but our relationship isn't what you think, he doesn't tell me everything,  he only ask what to get you for gifts, or how to impress you because his money can't do it, he doesn't come to me all the time just a couple times when you guys started dating."

I sigh and kept quiet.

"You have to believe me,"

"Ok, be honest,  how many times you guys slept together?" I asked.

"Once, when you guys started dating, when he wasn't sure you would go out with him again, the other time I was mad so I blurted out, just to make him mad, he hates when I throw it in his face like that, that's why he was relieved when you found out about the first time."

I stood there silent should I believe her or was this a plan by her and Philip to tell me what I want to hear, I don't know what to say or do, all this information was a lot to hear.

"Look I have nothing to gain, he doesn't love me, he loves you, you don't see how much he cries or blames me for everything,  he doesn't talk to me the way he use to other than business,  its like am dead to him. I dont know if you know what that feels like because it sucks, trust me it does. "

I watched her as she broke down with tears running down her eyes, I don't understand it all, how she feels. I feel bad that he treats her that way, but she was too happy to comfort him when I wasn't there and now he can't stand her.

"Am glad you told me this, I need to talk to Philip."

She pushed the button for the elevator to go and we were on the floor for Philip's office, outside the elevator waiting was Philip,  I could tell he wasn't too happy. I walked out the elevator and over to him,  he grabbed my hand gently.

"You have done enough." He said to Nicole.

"Its fine" I said.

She looked at me then walked down the hall to her office.

"What was that?" He asked.

"We need to talk."

He led me to his office, boy do I miss this view, we sat. I sat at the chair in front his desk while he took his seat. I stared at him for about a minute without saying anything to him.

"You came to look at me?"

"No, we seriously have to talk, when we got married I took it seriously,  I don't know about you but I did. I wanted the family, the love and an amazing husband, whom no matter what will be there. I watched movies and wanted the happy ever after,  but as you can see we are anything but that. I love you, I always will because of what we have, but I don't trust you, you lied to me about this, maybe she made it up, but nothing that was going on with me made it impossible for you to come and talk to me and so this happened and now I don't know what to believe. "

I stopped and looked at him.

"I never cheated on you with her, yeah the beginning of our relationship because I was uncertain and I was insecure,  but that I can own up to and say I was wrong. But as for a second time no, yes I dranked heavily after my mother died and wanted to not feel hurt and so talked to her but I know I didn't sleep with her."

"If you were drunk how would you know?"I asked

"I wasn't that drunk, I may do a lot of things but this is one thing I know I never did."

I don't know I want to believe him, but the fact that he was drinking heavily and was around her scares me, maybe they didn't sleep together,  how would he remember or why didn't he warn me to say 'oh I drank and was around Nicole', would that be any better than I had drunk sex with her, no, we needed to work on our trust again.