patience

Chapter Ten

I had been sitting on the tour bus for what felt like hours. It was after 10:00, so I knew Alessia would be getting back soon. They had to travel to Pennsylvania tonight. Part of me was tempted to pretend that I was asleep in my bunk already, but just as I was about to get into bed, Alessia walked in with Shawn. I couldn't very well ask her what she meant in front of him, so I just sat back down on the couch.

"Dude, you missed a great show" Alessia says.

"I-I'm sorry" I say.

"You ran away when she went on. What happened?" Shawn asked. I couldn't tell him the truth.

"Oh, I...I just felt kind of sick. I didn't want to get sick in the arena" I say.

"Well, were gonna take off for Pittsburgh soon" Alessia says.

"Great, I'm going to sleep" I say and go to crawl into my bunk. Alessia catches my arm. Shawn was still there.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asks. I felt my face get hot, and tears rush to my eyes. I looked at her then at him, and finally back to her.

"I'm fine" I say. She lets go of my arm. I crawl into the bunk and face the wall. There was a window that overlooked the view of the city. I could see the opening the buses would drive out of. That only broke my heart more because it made me think of when Shawn first kissed me. I was being so dramatic. I didn't know what happened between the two of them, but I know it couldn't be anything good. I was so mad at him for not telling me, and I was kind of mad at her for the same reason, but she didn't know anything was going on between Shawn and I, so I couldn't blame her. I just wanted to know what happened, but something told me that my heart wouldn't be able to take it.

***
I woke up at around 3am with about a hundred texts from Shawn asking if I was okay and what was wrong. I didn't respond. I didn't want to talk to him right now. Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to even talk to Alessia. I decided to just go back to sleep. I left Shawn on open and turned to face the opposite way.

***
Alessia woke me up again by jabbing me in the ribs. I was still not really wanting to talk to her.

"Do you want to get any coffee or something?" She asks.

"No" I say and turn around to face the wall. She grabbed my shoulder and rolled me back over.

"What is wrong with you?" She asks.

"I told you. I got sick" I say. We were both getting attitudes.

"Well, that doesn't mean you get to be an ass" She says.

"Well, you were yesterday over Shawn" I say. I got out of my bunk and walked towards the front.

"I told you why I was mad over that" She says following me. .

"No, you just said you all had a History, then you ran on the stage" I say.

"Do you want to know what I was talking about?" She asks. I thought for a second.

"No, I don't" I say. I knew that if I knew the truth, I would be upset. Worse than I already was. "I'm sorry". Her face went soft.

"Why are you mad at me?" She asks. I sat on the couch.

"I-I'm not" I say. She sits next to me.

"Plus, why does it matter? Shawn is nothing to you" She says. I knew the truth, but she didn't.

"I know. I just thought you were keeping something important from me. But, it's in the past, so it doesn't matter anymore" I say. She smiles.

"You know we don't have secrets" She says and puts her head on my shoulder.

"I know" I say. I felt my heart break inside me after hearing her say that. We did have secrets from each other. At least,  I had a secret from her.

"Never have and never will" She says. I smile and nod my head in agreeance. "It's always been us against the world and it always will be" She says. That was true for now, but I didn't know how true it would be once she knew I was lying to her.