patience

Chapter Eighteen

After Alessia and I had our moment on stage, I decided she and I needed to go back and talk. We were staying in Canada at the hotel a few more days then heading overseas to Korea.

"You know that I'm not mad at you, but you've got to explain this to me a bit more" I say. "You can't leave me hanging with you and Shawn hooked up a lot and you had some scares".

"River, I've tried to block out how it happened and why. It wasnt healthy to remember" She says.

"Fair enough" I say.

"When did it stop." I ask.

"A year ago. It only lasted maybe six months" She says.

"That's still a good chunk of time" I say.

"Yeah. I guess" She says. She couldn't even look at me. I knew she was feeling embarrassed.

"Can I ask something real personal?" I ask. She nods. I was quiet for a few seconds. Mostly because I was scared if the answer to my own question. "Were you in love with him?".

She stays quiet. I see tears form in her eyes. I knew the answer without even hearing her say it. I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. She sniffled and looked at me.

"Riv, do you remember when we were little. Fourth grade, maybe? Right around the time your mom left your dad to be with another woman. Then we found out she had been sneaking around with him for years. Then he left her. We knew he only wanted her for sex. We made a pact that day that we wouldn't ever get involved romantically with anyone. Said we would live together and always have each other's back. I mean, we were 9, so we knew we'd change our minds, but in a way I wanted that to really happen. I-I met Shawn...that feeling changed. I wanted to be with him, grow with him, love him. And I did. I loved him so much. I thought he loved me too. He said that he did right before he took my virginity. The days after that, it wasnt love, it was just sex. I realized that I had, in a way become the person we said we'd never be. I couldn't tell because, for one, I was embarrassed. Two, I didn't want you to think I was anything like your mom" She explains. I swallowed hard. I never thought about my parents.

"Alessia, there is nothing that you could do that would ever make me think you're like my mother. You're not her" I say. She nods her head. "And as far as being embarrassed? You don't have to be. Its human nature".

"I didn't want you to think less of me" She says.

"Everyone does it" I say. She stays quiet. "You don't have to be afraid to be honest with me. I'm never going to stop caring about you and loving you. You're my family. You're my bestfriend, and I am begging you to never forget that" I say.

"I won't. The same goes for you too" She says. I smile and lean my head onto hers. I had no idea that she had those inner deoms. I didn't know she had issues with my mother. I knew one thing, though. She was becoming my mother. I was.