patience

Chapter Twenty Seven

***
It was now April. I truly didn't know where we were anymore, but today we had a show. I was as big as a balloon, and ready to get this baby out of my body. I hated going to Alessia's meet and greets with her. I mean, most the fans wanted me in their pictures too, and I lived taking pictures with them, but not being that pregnant. I hated Shawn seeing me as huge as I was, but he always just told me how beautiful I was.I loved him for that.

I was currently sitting in Alessia's dressing room with her waiting for her to decide on what to wear. I was agitated because all she ever wanted to do when we had time together was talk about shopping or something that I didn't care about at all right now. The only thing on my mind was the baby that I was going to be having in two months.

"There's this store that just opened up in London I want to check out when we go" She says. She was still sorting through her stuff she wears while performing.

"Okay" I say. I was on my phone looking at what I had already bought for the baby. We had a car seat, highchair, bath seats, swings, and just about everything important. We had picked up a bunch of outfits in little shops we visited while in different cities.

"I just don't know when we could go. I'm so busy all the time" She says. I scoffed. I was really annoyed with her.

"When is a good time to go?" She asks.

"Never" I say under my breath while standing up to leave her dressing room and go to Shawn's.

"Oh! We can go while we're on break in June!" She exclaims. That was it for me. I threw my hands up and just looked at her.

"No, we can't! I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but maybe you've noticed that I'm pregnant. I'm having a child, and that break was put in the tour for Shawn and I to make sure we have ourselves time to get settled with our daughter! Not for your shopping habits, so no we arent going to London on break, okay?" I practically scream at her.

"The break is for you to have the baby. Not me. I can do whatever" She says. That made my heart hurt.

"Well, fine. You don't want to be there when she's born then fuck you" I say before flinging her door open and walking out. I knew o had probably went too far, but I was mad, so I didn't care. I burst into Shawn's dressing room. He had his guitar in his lap playing around.

"Babe?" He asks.

"Alessia's pissed me off" I say.

"Clearly. Why?" He asks.

"She wants to take a trip to London at the end of June" I say.

"But, the ba-"

"Yeah, I know the baby is due then, but I guess she doesn't care" I say. He makes a confused face.

"I'm...lost" He says.

"Well, this is the only thing I want you to get right now" I say. He raises an eyebrow. "She isn't going to be in the room when our baby is born. And for the record, I don't give a damn if she's even in the country". I didn't even let Shawn respond to what I was saying, I left and went to the bus before he could even process what I had said. I was still raging. I'm blaming it on the baby.

***Shawn's POV***

I wish that I could say this was the first time that River had gotten this way during the pregnancy, but it's not. The past month, she's been getting mad over every little thing. I love her, but I'll be glad when she is her normal self. Plus, I'm excited to hold my daughter in my arms every night.

I was fixing my hair when there was a knock at the door. I knew it was Alessia, so I just told her to come in.

"Riv is definitely in a mood today" She says. I chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know" I say. She smiles.

"You know I do want to me there when your little beauty comes into this world, right?" She asks.

"Yes, I know. And, despite what River says, you will be in the delivery room" I say as we sit down on the couch.

"Has she said I'm not allowed too?" She asks.

"Oh, yeah. But, you know she's going to change her mind" I say. She nods.

"I have never seen her like this before" She says. "I mean, I know she's pregnant, but gosh, I didn't think pregnant women could get this mean" She says.

"If the baby is anything like River, I'm in trouble" I say. She smiles.

"Boy, we're all in trouble" She says. I nod my head smiling.

"I don't know how you can love someone so much without having even met them. I mean, I can't even say 'my daughter's now without getting all gooey inside. Can you imagine when she gets here? I'm going to be a lump on a log. That girl is going to have me wrapped around her little finger" I say.

"You're going to he an amazing father" She says. I smile and looked at the ground. My smile faded. A memory I wish had left my mind came back.

"Do...you remember when you told me you thought you were pregnant last year?" I ask. Her smile fades too. She nods. "Sometimes I hate myself for asking you to abort if the test was positive". She shakes her head.

"Well, it wasn't. We don't have to talk about that anymore. Ever" She says.

"I didn't think twice when River told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon. But, when you were standing in my apartment that day, tears rolling down your cheeks, saying you hadn't had your period that month, I asked you to kill it" I say. I wasnt looking at her. I had tears in my eyes looking at the ground. I heard her sniffle. "How could I have asked you to kill a baby?". I finally look up at her, and just as I thought, we were both crying. She leaned into me took my hands in hers.

"Shawn, I'm not River. I wasnt the person you're meant to have baby with" She says.

"I don't think I've ever told you this, but I'm so sorry that I couldn't love you" I say.

"Dont be" She says pulling me into a hug. "I don't deserve the love you give".