patience

Chapter Twenty One

Shawn stared at me with an expression of shock. He ran his hands through his hair.

"Holy Shit" He says and walks to the front of the bus. I hear him plop onto the couch.

"Wait, I'm sorry. Is this a joke?" Alessia asks. She was smiling. She thought I was pranking her. I stood up and held the pregnancy test in front of her.

"Does this look like a joke?" I ask and walk to the front of the bus. I pause and look at shawn. He nods his head and the walks off the bus leaving Alessia and I.

"Wait, I don't understand. How could you be pregnant?" Alessia asks. I look at her then look at the door. I kind of wish Shawn hadn't had left. "River, how could you be pregnant?!".

"There's...something you should know" I say.

"You looked at the door and that makes me think about Shawn since he just walked out, but I know that that's not true" She says. I stayed quiet. She knew. "Oh, My God". She collapsed on the couch. I sat in the opposite one facing her. "You and- You and Shawn?". I couldn't speak. "I don't even know what to think right now". Tears formed in her eyes and in mine.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" I say she shoots off the couch.

"Why in the world would you keep something like this from me? How long have you been keeping this from me? What on earth were you thinking?!" She yells.

"Sit down. I'll tell you everything" I say. She sits. "Everything started in Louisville-".

"Louisville?! That was almost three months ago!". She says.

"I know" I say.

"You've been sneaking around with shawn for three months?" I was quiet and looked at the ground. "All those times you snuck out, all the times you said you were hanging around town, everything. You were with him?".

"Yeah. I-I was" I say.

"I can't believe that you would do something like that" She says. "Thars why you didn't want me to tell you about me and Shawn!".

"Yeah. I knew whatever happened wasnt anything good, and I didn't want to be mad at you guys, but you insisted on telling me!" I yell.

"I told you and you still slept with him! Oh, my God, we've had sex with the same guy" She says and bring her hands up to her face.

"I slept with him before I knew" I say.

"What?".

"The day that you told me about you and him. Before I came back to our room that day, I was with him. That's the day he took my virginity and thatd the day this baby was conceived" I say.

"Jesus, you're really freaking pregnant with Shawn's baby" She says.

"Look, I am so so sorry that I lied to you, and wasn't honest, but I just wanted he and I to myself. It was wrong, but at the time it felt right. I am so sorry, and if I could go back and change it, I would" I say.

"You had so many times to tell me and you still chose not too. Riv, we never keep things from each other" She says.

"You can't pull that card with me and you know it" I say. Her saying that had kind of made me mad.

"Okay, yes. I kept something from you, but it's not like I was with you every day while it was going on. I hadn't seen you in months, almost a year. You've been sneaking around with Shawn the entire time you've been with me" She says. She had a point.

"Yes, but don't act like you would have been honest even if I was with you. You wouldn't have told me and we both know that" I fire back.

"You know why I didn't tell you. You, on the other hand, have no reason why you couldn't have told me. I understand not wanting the world to know, but I'm not the world, River. I'm Alessia. I'm your cousin, and I thought I was your bestfriend" She says.

"Don't you dare even say that. You know you're my bestfriend" I say.

"It might take a minute for me to really believe that" She says. I sigh.

"Well, while your figuring that out. I've got an issue way bigger than the one between us" I say. Her face softens.

"What are you going to do, Riv?" She asks. Using my nickname was a good sign.

"I-I guess the first thing I need to do is go to the doctor. Find out when it's due" I say.

"What about Shawn?" She asks.

"What about him?" I ask.

"Well, you guys are together, so you need to talk about it with him" She says.

"I never said we were together" I say. She looked at me with a confused look on her face.

"What?".

"I broke up with him after you and I talked" I answer. Her face went blank.

"You...broke up with him?".

"I thought that maybe if I ended things, none of it would matter anymore. But, I was wrong" I say holding up the test.

"Riv, do you still love him?" She asks. Tears welled in the rims of my eyes.

"I don't remember a time when I didn't anymore" I say. Tears started to fall. She sighed.

"If you had told me you and Shawn snuck around behind my back and lied to me about it any other time aside from now, I don't know if I would ever be able to look past it. But, you broke up with him because you found out about he and I. I'd like to think you were trying to spare my feelings. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...if you are in love with him...be with him" She says. I knew she was being truthful about everything. She had tears stroll down her face while saying it. We had been doing an awful lot of crying lately.

"I'm having his baby" I say. She smiles.

"Are you happy?". I nod. She stands up and comes to sit beside me. She pulls me into her. "You know this baby is going to have the best mother and father in the whole world". I sniffle.

"And a pretty amazing cousin" I say. She smiles.

"First thing in the morning, go to the doctor" She says. I nod.

"I need to go find Shawn" I say. She nods. I stand up and walk off the bus. He was greeting fans by a little pond beside the venue. When he saw me walking over, he waved goodbye to the fans and met me half way. "Can we talk?". He nods and takes me by the hand and leads me to a bench that overlooked the pond.

"Are you okay? Is everything okay with Alessia? And the baby?" He asks. His reaction was kind of surprising to me. I thought he would be mad at me for being pregnant.

"Yeah. Yeah, Alessia is fine. I-I wanted to talk to you about the baby" I say. His face lit up with that gorgeous smile of his.

"We can do whatever you want to do" He says.

"Keeping it is the only option for me" I say. He didn't say a word. He just wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. When he pulled away, his eyes were watery.

"I was hoping you would say that" He says.

"Really?" 

"Yes, River. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you, and it may not be on the right terms, but you're having our baby. A baby we made from love, and there is nothing more amazing to me that that. I've always wanted to be a father, and now you're helping me get there. It may be soon, but I'm so excited for this baby" He says and puts his palm against my stomach.

"I love you so much" I say. He pulls me in and kisses my cheek softly. I was really wishing he kissed my lips.

"I love you too, babe" He says. I didn't know what this meant, but in this moment it felt right. I didn't even care that this was happening in public. Nothing else mattered to me except Shawn and our baby.