Late Night Thoughts

One Sided

We talk everyday but we don't actually talk. We see each other at work but we don't actually see each other. A big difference between you and me is that you have the ability the change my entire mood. However, I only have the ability to upset you. You can make me smile just as easily as you can make me want to cry. You and I exchange words with each other but I'm not sure we both register what the other person is saying or what they fully mean. We look at each other but we only see whats on the outside, we don't see the part of each other that is struggling to fake a smile. We've known each other since March but it feels like so much longer. In the 8 months we've known each other, we've had really memorable moments. Sadly, we've also had moments I wish had never happened. We've had good conversations but we've also had fights and arguments. It amazes me that you've continued talking to me for as long as you have. You say that I help you and that you need me, however I don't see how or why. Is it because I've always made you my first priority? Is it because I can make you feel better? Is it because we can get along so easily? I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that you've made my life so much better. You've been in my life longer then most people try to be. You've become someone that I'm not afraid to turn to in a time of need and I'm glad I can say that about you. Now that you know how I feel and you know that I strongly care and like you, I can only imagine how you feel. I've heard that you don't like me, but you like the attention I give you. I don't think thats true. I think that you do like the attention I give you, but I also think that you do like me as a person. In a perfect world, you would want what I want but this world is far from perfect. I really want to know what makes you, you. Maybe everything I just said will have no effect on you and we will keep having the relationship we have. Or maybe it'll help you realize that when I say I love you and that I care about you, it has a much deeper meaning then me just saying it to say it. Everyday I wake up and go to bed thinking I'm not good enough for you. No matter what you say to me, I always feel as if you aren't satisfied with me. Like I could've done better that day. And honestly, I just want to know that I'm doing enough for you. That what I say and do to try and make you have a better mood doesn't go unnoticed. So often I feel like everyone knows you better then I do and I hate the feeling since I know so much about you. I fear that when I leave this summer for 14 weeks, you won't want to be friends when I come back. I fear that you will be a completely different person then at the time I leave. One of the reasons I'm scared of that is because you can easily find someone else to open up to. Someone else that can put you in a better mood. I know none of this matters to you and that I'm just another guy for you. But to me, you're so much more. Was writing this a waste of time and a stupid mistake? Probably. But sometimes we have to take chances and tell people exactly whats on our mind and just hope that it doesn't change the relationship in any negative way.