Late Night Thoughts

Selflessness

I feel like I'm being drowned yet I'm still able to breathe. One second I'll be fine and the next I'll be feeling like the world is crashing down on me, not having anyone to turn to because I don't want to bother them with my problems. A person can only be alone for so long before they lose hope. They can only fight by themselves so many times before they eventually give up. Nothing in life is suppose to be easy but it seems the hardest battle is the one to stay alive. Everyday I have people tell me they care for me and they are always here for me but they seem to disappear when I need help. Maybe I'm so desperate for the need to feel wanted that I will find it with anyone, even those who don't deserve anything from me. But I care too much about people and even though my happiness doesn't always seem to matter, I do what I can for them. I was once told I'm the most selfless person someone has ever met. That can be good and bad. People will appreciate you because you're genuine and you care, you want to help in whatever way you can when they need it; something that's hard to find these days. But it can also crush you because you're left always feeling unwanted and unappreciated. You see people as they come and go, always using you for a moment of happiness and leaving when they find someone that can give it to them long term. Your feelings seem unimportant and eventually you start to believe it. You stop seeking help and continue to fight the everyday battle on your own. But what happens when you start to lose that battle? All of those people you gave happiness to appear out of nowhere saying they want to help any way they can and that they care about you. Saying you care about someone and actually showing them you care are two very different things and can change someone's attitude entirely.