Death Lilly

Chapter 4

Days blurred into one another as I grieved the loss of my Grandmamma. I hadn't spoken a word for the past month. My Uncle had no idea how to help me. He placed me in the hospital after I stopped eating. I felt utterly lost. Everything I had ever known was now gone. Nothing made any sense. I had no one left, now that she was gone. The doctors put me on a cocktail of drugs in hopes of bringing me out of this depression. They didn't understand that I had given up on living.

Uncle Stewart always visits once a day, just after lunch. I know it's hard for him to see me like this. Yesterday, he informed me that he was now my legal guardian. All I could do was stare at him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I understood what he is saying. I know that one day I will have to leave this hospital and get on with living. Problem is, I'm not sure that I'm ready to do that. I want to stay a little longer in my bubble.

Today, however, I can see him talking heatedly with a nurse and one of the doctors. I had only just had my morning meds and could feel the heaviness setting in. They look at me, the doctor shaking his head. Two female nurses dress me before wheeling me into Uncle Stewarts old, late 1980's model, Dodge Ram. The drugs leave me feeling numb and tired. I want to say something, beg him to take me back inside where I don't have to deal with the world. Back to where it feels safe.

"Lilly, I'm taking you home, okay?" I hear Uncle Stewart say. For a brief minute, I think he is talking about the apartment but then I remember that is gone. I have no home anymore.

"Lilly?" Uncle Stewart questions softly. "Can you hear me?" Slowly I nod in reply.

"Cool, it's a long drive so I'm going to lean a pillow up against the window for you to rest on." Uncle Stewart says as he buckles me in. He has to hop in his seat before he can place the pillow between the window and my head. Uncle Stewart leans on my leg a little too hard, pinching the skin but I don't say anything. It is the first time I felt pain, physical pain since the loss of Grandmamma. I close my eyes so that he can't see me cry.

The low rumble of the engine eventually helps me sleep. I dream of Grandmamma, staring at her with wide-eyed with amazement. She is gone. I know that but in this dream, she looks alive. Her hair is pinned back and her face has a healthy glow to it. She is wearing her best Sunday dress. There is a warmth which embraces me, it makes me question whether or not I'm truly dreaming.

"Hello, Lilly." She whispers into my ear as I hug her tightly. "I'm ok, my dear, precious child."

"No you're not, you left me. You died, even though you promised never to leave me."

"It was time to leave my earthly body. That doesn't mean I left you. I'm here right now, aren't I?" I look up into her round face with curiosity.

"Like an angel?" I ask. She feels warm and cuddly. Being in her arms makes me feel better.

"No Lilly, I'm far from that. I'm a spirit and I need you to do something for me. You have to stop grieving and live your life. I can't handle seeing you fade away because I had to go. Stewart is going to take you home. Where you belong. You can start again and be happier than we ever were in that little apartment. Please do this for me." All I can do is stare at her. It hits me, she wants me to live but I don't know how too. The request seems too much.

"I don't know how," I tell her honestly. She leans down and kisses me on my cheek. I feel like a child again.

"All you have to do is wake up." She tells me. "I will guide you home."

I can see her fading, but I don't want to let go. "Lilly, just open your eyes and remember that I love you." She whispers before disappearing.

The fog lifts, my body aches, and my neck stiff. I gaze out the window. It takes a while for my eyes to focus as things flashed by me. The sound of a radio buzzes softly in the background. My head is clear. It is an uncomfortable feeling. I haven't been like this for a while.