Death Lilly

Chapter 17

Stewart was waiting for me at home. I waved good-bye to Levi and Cayn only to have them ignore me. Uncle Stew opened his mouth to say something but I pushed passed him. I wasn't in the mood for another argument. There was a knock on my door, Uncle Stew peeked his head around the corner. I let out a loud groan, flopping down onto my bed.

"Lilly you want dinner or are you just going to stay in your room?" He asks, standing in the doorway.

"Not hungry." I roll over so that my back is facing him.

"You and Cayn have a fight?"

"No offense but I so don't want to talk to you about Cayn."

He takes a seat on my bed. I feel the weight shift so that I have to roll over. "Lilly I just want you to be happy. Also I heard some news that I really need to discuss with you."

I sit beside him. "What's wrong?" I eye him with caution, wondering what his news might be. He sucks in a large breath, our eyes meeting and my tummy develops that sinking feeling. "Is it bad news?"

"Well I got a call on Thursday, Jude wasn't guilty, in fact he helped find out who was responsible. Jude wants to see you. He want's to apologize and talk to you. That's why I was gone. I had to check him out first, but it's up to you."

My head is spinning. "You saw him?" I am so confused. Deep down I had a feeling he would never have hurt anyone but did I want to see him? I had moved on from my past life, from the pain. A sizeable lump formed in the back on my throat.

"I need to think about it."

"That's fair and I did tell him that it was up to you but Lilly." He pauses to take my hand. "I think it might help with closure. Seeing him, talking about what had happened, well, it helped me and it might just do the same for you." Uncle Stewart lets go of my hand, giving me a few soft taps on the shoulder before taking his leave.

I placed the ear buds in my ears and cranked up the music. Bass filled my head with repetitive pounding that it felt like my brain was going to explode. I was still in shock that Uncle Stew had actually seen Jude. I wished that Cayn were here. I wanted to speak this over with him. To find out what he thought I should do.

Instead there were now three text messages waiting for him, however he didn't reply. I had no idea what his game was and truthfully, I wasn't sure that I even cared. That wasn't true. I did care, I just didn't like feeling hurt and being let down. I wish he knew how important it was that I talked to him. To see Jude, or to not see Jude? That was my dilemma. There was little I could do other then sleep on it and pray that tomorrow would be a better day.

I awoke to the sound of Uncle Stewart humming away as he ate breakfast. Oh how I loved my morning coffee I thought sarcastically as I dunked my doughnut in the coffee. Cayn hadn't called or texted me since yesterday's fiasco. It left me even more confused; between him and Jude I was bond to have an anxiety attack.

"So Lilly have you given it any more thought about Jude. I think he would like an answer soon."

"Not really. I don't know... It...What do I say? I never thought that he was a killer but he is connect to so much hurt, what if I can't handle it."

"What if seeing him is the way to heal? You must have so many unanswered questions Lilly, I know I did and talking though it...well it helped."

"You really think it will help?" I ask, still unsure.

"Yes, I really do think so." He says before returning to his latest car magazine. He really does seem happier after his visit. There is a renewed spark in his eyes. I want to be happy. Was I not happy? I had seen Grandmamma in my dreams, smelt her perfume and knew she was with me, that had been my closure with her but I hadn't had any with Jude. We had left so many things unresolved, that I couldn't help but wonder if that was why I had trouble with Cayn. Jude and I, we were best friends, two peas in one unique pod, whereas Cayn was my opposite. He was what a part of me dreamed to be, popular, cool and with friends. Jude was everything that was comfortable, a loner, a movie geek and happy to not let anyone get really close. In that thought I knew what to do, I needed closure from him, to let go of my past fully so that I could move on. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life cut off from the world. Cayn had shown me what it was like to live.