Screaming Into The Void

It's never you

I wish that I was good enough.

I don't care what they say about us.

I just wanted you to hold me in your arms.

Let me take all you demons away.

You were supposed to be the one.

Help me prove them all wrong.

Finally be the one that said yes.

And held my hand while I did all the rest.

But I was wrong.

I always am.

You took all my pain away.

But created something so much worse.

A mark that will never fade.

Even when you went away.

Why does the fairytale always end this way?

Okay for those of you reading thank you so much.

Anyway..... I had my first kiss today and.....

I. Regret. It.

I mean I'm not as happy as I thought I would be and I know it's because I don't even like him as much. He's sweet but no.

So I just fucked up because I led him on and now he probably thinks I like him.

And I gave him a note and everything. Shit.

At first when he made his move I pulled away in a panic. Honestly I was too busy listening to Shape of you by Ed Sheeran playing on my phone. So I stopped the music and told him I have never been kissed before.

He said he wouldn't kiss me if I didn't want to but like a dummy I felt bad and did.

The kiss was weird. I don't know what the fuss is all about. But I had my first kiss and now that it is gone.....

I just feel like he didn't deserve it. Especially since I didn't like him that much. So here I am 17 years old and had my first kiss in the front of my "friend's" and I ditched cross country practice for him.

I just gave it away. Ughh... I always make stupid decisions. If only the guys I liked had actually liked me back!!!

If you guys have first kiss stories can you guys tell me? I need something to cheer me up because I'm legit freaking out.

I would love to hear them.
-Miss Yanxiet:)

And here's a poem that I wrote about it.

Wish I could turn back the clock
What have I done?
Let him kiss me.
Kissed him back.
A horrible act that can't be undone.
Let our tongues dance between our mouths.
My first kiss gone.
All I want is to hear my favorite song.
What have I done?
I made a huge mistake.
But I can't go back.
Body shaking,
Heart racing,
Fingers twitching,
Mind pacing,
A memory that will never go away.
He wasn't even worth it.
Once again I was stupid
And was pawned off by the game.
Maybe he likes me
Who knows?
But I don't think I'm ready.
Ready
Get set
Don't go.
The perfect crime.
A stolen kiss.
That still should have been mine.

For those of you who still have their first kiss, I envy you and I hope you share it with someone you love.
-Miss Yanxiet:)