Sienna Asma

The Audacity

Sienna

It's been a week now. A week of the guys not being in my life. The longest week I've ever lived. I've been fighting Asma day and night. She pushes me mentally and I want nothing more than to give up. She also is somehow fighting me physically. It's like she'll swing her metaphorical fist and my stomach will ache. She continuously tells me to give in and let her live, and I'm close to. I thought I'd be okay if the guys ever left me, but it's obvious I'm not.

I haven't even been able to fully feel the breakup. Sure, I understand that I'm going to sleep alone and waking up without kisses. I know I'll never hear them tell me they love me and me be able to tell them. Not without us hurting even more. I'll never be able to...

To get that happy ending I wanted so desperately with my guys.

"See? What's your purpose of living anymore, Sienna?"

I don't know.

"Just let me live."

Letting Asma take over fully doesn't sit right with me. It's like living isn't the only objective she has in mind. I may not see the point in living right now, but everyone has those days. I just need to push past them and heal. Yes, I'm heartbroken and weak. But, I'll be okay.

I drag myself from my bed and go to my dresser. I try to avoid my reflection in the mirror, but my eyes are automatically dragged to the blonde hair that covers seventy percent of my head. Asma took over once within the past week. I had passed out from exhaustion and when I woke up, bites and hickies covered my body along with an ache that I am really starting to hate. Even now, looking at the still-there bruise around my neck, I have to run to the toilet. I throw up my dinner from last night. Tears burn my face as they fall and my head pounds. And because I'm at my most vulnerable state, Asma pushes hard against me. I black out for a moment and I have to catch myself against the toilet.

"Stop!" I yell at the woman. A pitiful whine answers me and I turn my head to look at my dog. CJ has been nothing but a good boy. If it wasn't for him, I'd have locked myself in my room. But since I have to walk him, I was forced to go downstairs.

Whenever I saw one of the guys, we'd avert our eyes and the room would become quiet and tense. I want nothing more than to run into their arms. But, I ruined that.

CJ rubs his head against me and I let my fingers run weakly over his fur. "I'm sorry," I whisper to him.

"Apology not accepted. Let me in, Sienna," Asma sings.

I stand up and flush the toilet before shuddering against the sink. My body is weak. I feel on the verge of collapse any moment. When that does happen, I'm not sure I'll come back. But I won't let Asma be here with the guys when that does happen.

I can't stay here.

I head to my dresser and start grabbing random clothes. I grab one back pack and stuff it to the brim.

"Can you grab those sparkly heels? Chris loves them."

Bile crawls in my throat but I shove it down. I don't look at what I'm grabbing and stuff another backpack. I put on tennis shoes and grab the bag I packed for CJ.

"Come on, boy," I croak out, holding out the leash. He whines but comes over and lets me put the leash around him. I then get into the elevator and pray I won't run into any of the guys. When I make it to the first floor, I almost think the prayer worked. But just my luck, Cole is just coming in through the door.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever. He glances at the bags and at CJ, before looking at me. His face pains me. A face that was probably mushed against Mia's. I want to throw up all over again.