Maybe this time [Completed]

Chapter 10

I sighed and sat down on the kitchen counter facing her, just like I used to do when I still lived with her.

"Yeah, he dropped by for a while. You know we can't avoid each other, mom. We move in the same circles. Besides, we really are still friends."

"Don't be so defensive, I haven't said anything, have I?"

"I can read everything on your face, though. I know you don't like him, but we're co-parenting Lucas. I can't erase him from our lives."

"I know. So is it still the same arrangement? Weekends with Ray?"

"Yup, it's working well for everyone so I guess we're sticking to it. Plus it frees up my weekends for mg friends."

"What friends? Ray was the only one I ever met," my mom asked sarcastically.

"I have friends mom. In fact I'm meeting up with one of them on Saturday."

"Oh? Which friend is this? Have I heard about her before?"

"I've probably talked about him before - he's a guy by the way - but I doubt if you remember. It's Paul, he was a batchmate at TVN."

"Hmmm, the one who kept teasing you? I remember him."

"Really? You remember him?"

"My dear, how can I not? You used to talk about him everyday, and I could practically see smoke coming out of your ears," my mom said, chuckling softly. "You were always irritated with him, though I couldn't understand why. From your stories, he just sounded funny."

"Because you weren't there! He was always bugging me when we first met."

"Sure honey. Whatever you say."

"To be fair, I did get used to it after a while and we became friends. He's just been going out of the country frequently so we kinda lost touch. But now he's in the country and we're meeting on Saturday to catch up."

"I actually thought he'd be the one you would introduce to me back then, you know?" My mother oh so casually mentioned as she sliced the apple pie and transferred the slices on small platters.

"What ever made you think that? You just said a while ago that I always looked irritated whenever I talked about him."

She paused and looked at me thoughtfully.

"Well, yes you seemed to be irritated. But you also looked - how do I say this - I guess glowing is the best way to describe it," she finally answered.

"Your eyes would be shining and your cheeks were flushed with color. Even the way you moved as you talked was more animated than your normal habit. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

"What has that got to do with us getting together? Isn't that a sign that we'd be fighting practically everyday if we dated?"

"Oh honey, is that what you thought? Did you avoid him because of that?"

I hesitated then nodded slowly.

My mom walked over to me and took my right hand in hers.

"In this life, you'd be lucky to find the one person who can make you come alive. Someone who can make you feel things. Most of us settle for companionship and respect," she told me softly and I looked at her in surprise.

I always thought my parents' relationship was the couple goals. I never once saw then fight or raise their voices at the other. They always looked at peace and content with their lives - our lives. Now my mom is telling me it was not actually a good thing to have.

Come to think of it, Ray and I were like that too. To the outsider, we seemed to be the perfect couple. Little did they know we were actually dead inside.

"And what's wrong with fighting everyday?" mom continued. "Your type of fighting, I mean. He was just teasing you and you instinctively responded. Don't you think that's something special? How many people do you know that can get you to respond to them immediately the way this Paul can?"

I thought over her words and realized she was right. We didn't really 'fight', it was mostly him trying to get a rise out of me, and me taking the bait in spite of myself. But with others, I usually didn't give a damn.

I thought it was because Paul was especially good at irritating people. Looking back now, I don't remember him acting like that with anyone else. He treated me differently.

Why did I not realize all these before?

"Mom, why did you not say anything back then?"

"Well, when you told me that you were going to introduce me to someone, I assumed it would be Paul. I was surprised to hear Ray's name. You never talked about him before. But then you were already dating, and I didn't want to act like I know your heart better."

Sighing, I stared at the floor, recalling that night when I finally decided to let my mom meet Ray after months of dating him. I was mentally slapping myself for not picking up on the look of surprise on my mom's face as they were introduced.

At that time, I just chalked it up to her surprise at finding out I had a boyfriend already.

I felt my mom squeeze my hand and I raised my eyes to meet her soft gaze.

"I'm sorry we didn't have this talk sooner," she told me softly. "I should have pushed you instead of letting you make your own decisions. But you've always been an independent and responsible girl, so I trusted you to make the best choice for yourself."

I quickly hugged her tight and whispered in her ear. "It's not your fault mom. I am responsible for my own decisions. Besides, Lucas is a result of that decision, and I will never regret having him in my life."

"True. That's my girl! Now go on and call your son, the pie is ready."