Maybe this time [Completed]

Chapter 35

The decision weighed heavily on my shoulders, confusing and scaring me.

I don't know what to say. He was asking me to decide for his future, and I was not ready for the responsibility. What if we didn't work out? Can he still go back to what he loves doing most?

I also thought before that Ray and I loved each other, only to realize later how wrong we both were. But at least he didn't have to change his whole career path because of me.

Or what if we did work out but he realizes later that he didn't like to be tied down to a desk, after all? Would he be forced to do something he didn't love because of me?

The pressure was building inside me and I wanted to run away and hide from it all. It was too much, too soon.

But I wasn't a young girl anymore. I have to toughen up and face my problems head on. Most of all, running away won't be fair to Paul. He had already waited far too long.

"Elisse..." he whispered, and I could hear the desperation in his voice.

I searched his eyes, trying to find the right words to express how I feel, and in them I saw all the emotions he was trying to hide - fear, anxiety, hope. It killed me to see what my indecision was doing to this man.

This guy whom I know to be strong and proud had left his ego behind, pleading quietly to be given a chance.

It broke me and I almost gave in, but I already knew that it was a mistake to base my decision on someone else's feelings. That's not enough to make it work. It had to be something I wanted, too.

But I haven't even sorted out my feelings yet. What did I really want?

And then there's Ray and Lucas, how will they react to this? Lucas, most of all - he's not old enough to understand what's going on.

So I had to be strong. I don't want to make the same mistake because the price was too much to pay.

I reached out and held his hand this time, squeezing it softly as I asked for his understanding.

"Paul, please don't take this the wrong way..." I began and I felt his hand tense up. I ran my thumb in circular motions ay the back of his hand, hoping to soothe his nerves with the gesture.

"It's a big decision and I can't be the one to make this choice for you... I'm just not ready. And there's so many things to consider. I have a son now."

He bowed his head in defeat and he looked as if all life had left him.

"I never really had a chance, haven't I?" He whispered so low I almost didn't hear him.

"Wait, no, that's not what I meant," I quickly continued to clear the misunderstanding. "I'm not saying no... Just, not yet."

He jerked in surprise and quickly looked up, eyes still guarded but a flicker of hope lighting them up once more.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked carefully.

"It means that I do feel something for you and I want to give us a chance - but I need time to sort things out. Can you give me that? Just a few days to clear my head?"

He hesitated, then sighed heavily.

"I want to say no for selfish reasons, because I want to be with you so badly and I'm scared you'll change your mind anytime...  But I understand. I know you just got divorced and the timing is off, so I understand."

"Thank you!" I  quickly hugged him and whispered in his ear.

"I've already waited twenty years for you, Kitty. I can wait a few days more," he replied with a chuckle then gently pushed me away. "But you have to keep your distance. If you keep getting close to me like this, all bets are off."

He was half serious, and I felt a jolt of electricity shoot down through my body as visions of him touching me rushed through my head. I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked away, feeling shy all of a sudden.

"Now I really want to see what's going through your head at this exact moment," he teased.

"Shut up."

"My shy Kitty..."

"Stop that."

"I'm not doing anything," he said innocently, both hands raised in mock surrender.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, making him laugh even harder. Then I realized how funny and childish I must have looked and was soon was laughing along with him.

And just like that, the old Paul and Elisse were back.