Maybe this time [Completed]

Chapter 38

Did he know?

I stared at Ray in shock.

"What do you mean?"

"Did Paul say something to you yesterday? About your future?"

Still in shock, I scrambled for a response. What did he know? How did he know?

As if reading my mind, Ray answered my silent question.

"I always had a hunch," he confessed. "I knew he hated my guts from day one, though at first I couldn't understand why.  Later on, I guessed it was because of you. We had nothing else in common except for you."

"You knew he didn't like you?"

"It got pretty obvious to me after a while," he confirmed, nodding. "I could feel the waves of hatred being thrown at me whenever we were in the same room."

"When did you notice?"

"Well... I  kinda sensed it when we started dating but I didn't really think much of it. Then it got worse since we got married. He couldn't even stand the sight of me whenever he phoned in a report for the foreign segment in my program. Others probably didn't notice, but I did, because it was directed at me."

He paused, then glanced at me briefly before looking away.

"And I saw the way he watches you, like you were the only life in the room."

"I didn't know."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I realized that after a while. I don't think you even knew the effect he had on you."

"What do you mean?"

"These last few years of our marriage, you've changed, Elisse. You had so much spirit in you before, and all of a sudden it was gone. And I've always felt like I was the one who killed it."

His eyes clouded over as he talked about our past. I started seeing everything through his eyes and it felt like I was an outsider watching someone else's life pass by.

"But you were always so excited when he's back, and so happy after meeting him. Then I get to be with the old Elisse, for a little while, until I killed your spirit again."

All this time I thought I was the only one who had a hard time in this marriage. But it seems Ray went through a lot, too.

"Why didn't you talk to me about this?"

"Because I was conflicted," he replied, shaking his head. "On one hand, I hated the fact that you needed someone else to lift you up - when I was your husband, and I was right here. But on the other hand, I was grateful that you had someone like that on your side so you won't fall into depression."

"I'm so sorry Ray. I don't know what else to say."

He raised his right hand, palms forward, to stop me from saying more.

"I've gotten over it a long time ago. That's why I agreed to the divorce. I finally accepted the truth - we were just making each other miserable, and it's going to get worse the longer we held on."

He looked at me, a shadow of a smile on his face.

"We needed to set each other free in order to be happy. We both deserve it, right?"

I returned his half-smile, feeling regret for all the wrong decisions we've made in our youth.

"I messed up, Ray. I shouldn't have accepted your proposal back then... But I had really believed that I loved you, I hope you know that," I stared deeply into his eyes, urging him to understand that I meant every word.

He simply nodded, and I wasn't sure if it meant that he believed me, or that it doesn't matter anymore.

"You'll always have a special place in my heart, too," he finally said. "Elisse, you're the mother of my child, and we'll always be there for each other... But we both deserve to have a partner who makes us happy. I'm glad that you found yours. I really am."

I could feel the sincerity in his voice and it brought tears to my eyes. I have in my life the two most wonderful men in this world.

How did I get to be so lucky?

The tears kept flowing and I was powerless to stop them. Never in my life have I felt so loved and so blessed than at this moment.

I didn't notice the soft footsteps heading their way to the kitchen until I heard a small voice speak up.

"What's wrong, Mom? Why are you crying?"