X1 OneShots (BoyxBoy)

We are in the rain ♡ Seungseok

Based off of the song "She's in the rain" by The Rose. I would really advise you to listen to the song and read the lyrics before or while reading.
Angst and fluff
Seungyeon X Wooseok
WARNING
This oneshot has very self deprecating parts, and even a slight mention of suicide so, please, if you feel triggered by any of those, DON'T READ
The very ending of the oneshot has a part called "bonus" which DOESN'T HAVE ANY OF THE TRIGGERING THEMES SAID ABOVE, so if you feel like it, just skip all the way to the bonus.

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Wooseok's POV

It felt like the world was dissolving. With every tear that went down my face, with every raindrop that insisted on soaking my clothes, making me shiver. It felt like everything was useless and hopeless. My day had lost color, just like that fog that made everything gray. My soul feels gray. Everything is gray. Just quiet, lifeless, hopeless.

I used to have that light in my eyes. That passion, determination that everyone admired. Music made me live every single emotion at its finest, acting made me be able to experience things I've never felt before through characters, stories, and composing made me able of letting go of my whole soul into sounds. And all that made me float. When I was singing, acting, playing, it felt like floating. It felt like there was nothing and everything at the same time. It felt like nothing because it felt like the universe was only me, the instrument and those feelings. And it felt like everything because those feelings were enough to fill the entire universe. But then things fell down.

"You're not good enough. Try and audition again next time"

"I told you this was going nowhere"

"Why even try? You know it's useless"

"Why do I even bother telling you good luck anymore, you're not making it"

"You should just quit these stupid dreams"

They said. Relatives, teachers, friends. They all said it. And little by little I started believing them. But still I held on, because that feeling was something I wanted to show to the world. But can I really? Am I good enough for this world?

I don't think so. But I've never learnt how to give up. How to let go. This is all I know. This love is all I know. And it never taught me how to give up.

And I walked throughout the rainy city. New melodies calling in my brain, and I ignored them. The new song would only be as bad as the ones before. Ones I would never be able to produce and launch. Ones that would never be heard, because they just weren't good enough.

The creativity pricked the tips of my fingers, telling me to write! Write those feelings, it said! Write! Sing! Dance! Those feelings are art! It said.
I answered they aren't. Because art should be beautiful. That is what I was taught. And my art doesn't seem beautiful. It seems... My art is just like me. Useless, left around to wait until someone thought it was trash and made it disappear. Maybe my soul could be left around to disappear too.

It was ironic. How I ended up in the same place that I always went to for inspiration. But this time I only wanted to end that inspiration once and for all. That same spot beside Han river. That small separated park no one went to. It was only mine, because no one thought it was beautiful enough to stay at.

And that's where I stood. Under the heavy rain, covered by the gray fog. I could just disappear right then. There would be no calls, no policemen searching for me after a desperate call from my mother. Because everyone just thought I'd be better off as gone anyway.

I could die with my art. Take it all away with me. So that it is never discovered. So that it stays there, unfound. Undiscovered. So that no one can think back on how I wasted my life with an art that was not worth been heard or seen. I'll just let it disappear.