Lose Myself

Chapter Four

4

"YES!"
Is what I felt like screaming or yelling, but I couldn't, so I just continued to say "YES!" In my head over and over again, I was so happy.

No, I was not happy. That was an over- statement.

It was Sunday, and me, my mom, stepfather and my moms new 'friend', Sally, were all sitting at he dinner table, eating. She just got off our house phone, notifying us that Matthew couldn't make it, because his football game was going later than usual.
Topical jock,

Plays football, hangs with the populars, and is too cool to hang with his mom at dinner. Pretty basic.

"Sorry," Sally said, "I really thought he'd be here..."

"That's okay!" My mom smiled sadly, "we'll just wait until next time."

"I just feel so bad!" Sally said, then turned to me, "I know how much you were excited to see Matthew."
Ha,

That's funny.

"Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes!" My mom said. She returned to her stove of pasta.

"So," Sally said, "how do you like school?"
I shrugged, and she laughed. "That's what I thought," she said, "Matthew feels the same way too."

"She doesn't talk much," Jake said, "she's a quiet one."

Really Jake?

"I already told her, Jake," my mom says.
I just wanted to run out of the room because of this conversation.

About 30 minutes later, the food was done. So much for a couple of minutes. Then again, topical mom.

We were all sitting at the table, still serving ourselves when the doorbell rang.
My mom and Sally were in deep conversation about something, and my father was sort of...out of it...girl talk I guess.

"Anna, can you go see who that is please?" He asked, "and quickly, we don't want you to miss dinner," he smiled. I nodded with no expression.

I got up from my chair and went to answer the door. The doorbell rang again.

Can't they wait a moment?

I opened the door to see the face I lest wanted to see, and the face I least expected to see.

"Hey, um, sorry I'm late, my game went later than usual, but---"

I took a moment to look at was he was wearing: Black vans, tan khakis and a blue button up shirt.

"---I'm here now, did you guys start dinner yet?" He finished. I just opened the door wider as if to say, come in, I don't want to be alone with you anymore.

He just walked in as if me not answering him didn't bother him. "Thanks," he smiled, strolling in like he owned the place.
So, you try to talk to me for about 2 days, then give up and ignore me for the populars for 2 weeks? Wow.

And now, you're going to show up at my house, where we're the ones feeding you dinner, and you come late anyways and ask where the food is.

Tipical.

That's all I have to say.
I shut the door behind me, and walked to the kitchen where everyone was sitting.
"Matthew!" Sally squealed as I sat down, "you came!"

"You sent me the address anyways, and the game ended 5 minutes after I called you, so I figured that I should get here as fast as I could so I didn't miss anything." He said, and Sally hugged him.

Why hug him? Why be so happy? It's not like he wanted to be here, he probably stalled his coach, or went back to the house and hoped that we'd be done when he decided he would 'get here as fast as he could', and timed it wrong.

Something like that.

We were all served and we're finally eating.
Sally and my mom were talking about who knows what, and Jake and Matthew were talking about football, since Jake has this obsession with football.

And there I was.

By myself.

Not talking...

Eating silently...

Please nobody notice, I like it this way, when nobody acknowledges me.
It's like I'm not even there...

"Hey, Anna, do you like..." I tuned out the voice.

I stared down at my empty plate.

"...Right Anna?" I tuned back in. I looked at the voice.

Matthew.

I gave him a questioning look.
"Math," he said, "do you like it?"
I shook my head.

I don't like anything anymore, he should know that my now, especially him.

Matthew.

Matthew, especially you.

I don't like you.

Matthew.

Especially Matthew.
"Me either," he said, "Mrs.Kinney is a tough teacher."

I nodded.
It seemed as if everyone at the table was interested in the conversation that Matthew was trying to have with me.
"So, I was with Kian at football practice," he said, in a way he was about to tell a story.

"He told me a really funny joke, but I can't remember it. I wish I did, it was so funny!"
All of the people, except me, chuckles somewhat at the table.

"You know Kian, right?" Matthew asked me. My face showed no expression.

"He's really cool, maybe the three of us should hang out sometime," he said. I knew what he was doing.

"And you know Tina, Aaron, Gina and Zach, right?" He said, and all I could do was stare. No.

Matthew.

Stop.

Now.

You think you can get to me but you can't.
Stop trying.
"They're really cool too," he said, "maybe we can all hang out sometime!"
"Aren't they the nice ones?" Sally asked, "you're new friends?"

"Yeah! Anna knows them I think," he said, looking directly at my eyes.

"Is tomorrow after school good?" He said, and my mom clasped her hands,

"Oh honey, that sounds lovely!" She smiled.
"Don't worry," he said,
"They're practically harmless."

Harmless.

Practically,

Harmless.
I got out of my chair. I should my plate in the sink, got a pen and wrote thank you on a small piece of paper.
I gave it to my mom and walked to my room.

"Wait, honey don't go!" She called after me, "did we go to far? I'm sorry! Honey, please come back...."

I didn't turn around.
I walked straight to my room and shut the door, and buried my head in a pillow.
I cried.

Something I haven't done in a long time.
A very,

Very,

Long time.

Thanks guys!
Extra note: I know, this story is very depressing. she's never happy, and is always sad, but she's depressed, and it's in her POV, and in her POV, nothing is okay, everything bad, and nothing will ever be okay, she finds the negative in everything.
But, soon, maybe the next chapter, I will be giving Matthew a POV, or someone else, so it's not as depressing.
Because of this chapter, this is the chapter where things start to take off, so the next chapters won't be as boring as these other ones hopefully!
In the next chapters, she doesn't know it yet, but she's playing hard to get, and Matthew keeps bugging her on it, trying to figure her out.
But, Anna's bullies don't like it,
What will happen?
Stay tuned!
Thanks for reading!
xx