Lose Myself

Chapter Seventeen

I posted this yesterday but for some reason it didn't post :( so sorry guys!

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17

When I finished my shower and got dressed, I took a look at the room.

It was spotless.

I saw Matt, sitting on the bed and watching T.V.

He was munching on a bag of Doritos, staring at the screen. He didn't notice me until I walked out and sat on the opposite bed.

"Feel any better?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Cameron will be home soon, he just called me," he said, "he went to go and get food for us, and to sign us into the new hotel room. He, um, he also needed to clear his head." He said, taking yet another bite of Doritos.

I nodded, and put the blankets over me.

He held up a Dorito. "Want one?" He asked, still chewing very loudly. I shook my head no.

"Okay then..." he said, popping it into his mouth.

Suddenly, the crowd roared on the T.V. He was watching football, and apparently someone had made a huge touchdown or something.

"You know, you can talk to me," he said, still staring at the T.V, "I won't tell anyone."

I shook my head no, and layer down, facing the wall so I wouldn't have to look at Matt.

After 10 minutes of silence, he said, "I'm sorry. For everything. You already have a complicated life as it is, and I just piled on top as another problem."

I stayed silent. Maybe, if I pretended to be asleep, he would stop talking, and assume that I really was asleep.

As if to answer my thoughts, he said, "I know you can hear me."

I still stayed silent and kept my eyes closed. I felt the bed sink on one side, and I panicked. What was he doing?!

I sat up quickly, and looked at him. He was sitting on the bed, just...staring at me.

I began to get up, but he pulled me back down. He held my shoulders tightly.

I tried to get up again, and this time more forcefully. I tried to pry his hands off of my shoulders, I tried pushing him away, but I was too weak and he was too strong.

"Anna, just listen to me! Anna, Anna, LOOK AT ME," he said the last part, seriously. I don't know what made me stop trying to make him let me go, but I just did. I froze.

"I see you. Okay? You can't just runaway anymore. I know who you are, I know the you you're pretending to be, and the you, the real you, that's inside you, fighting. Right now, you're pretending to be weak, you're pretending like there's no one out there who cares.

You're pretending, and I see right through it. You're strong. You know Cameron loves you and you know that I...care about you. There's a fight in you, or else you wouldn't be here right now. You just have to take that confidence and use it. Fight."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't pretending, I felt pain, nobody cared about me, I know these things and the fact that I know them bring me pain.

But something he said really got to me:
There's a fight in you, or else you wouldn't be here right now.

It was true,

There must be some fight in me left...

Why was I thinking positive all of the sudden? But, then again, that would mean I was thinking negatively this entire time. Was I thinking negatively this entire time? It wasn't on purpose that I saw the downside to everything, it just happened...

"I can't..." I said, barely above a whisper, with my voice cracking.

"I can't fight..." I croaked.

"Then I'll help you, a-and so will Cameron. Like he said, you're going to be okay. You're going to get through all of this."

Just as he finished saying that, his phone vibrated, as if someone were calling him. He got up from the bed an answered the call.

"Hey Mom, sorry I didn't---"

I could here his mom yelling at him from where he was standing by the opposite bed.

"Yeah, I---" he must've been interrupted, because he stopped talking. After what seemed like forever, he finally spoke again.

"Look, I'm with Cameron, a-and his sister. I-we have stuff to deal with, with Vine and the tour, and it's an emergency, and Cameron needed me right away."

I didn't hear anymore yelling over the phone as he listened.

"Yeah I know Mom...okay...love you too...yeah, o-okay Mom, yep bye love you byeee," then he hung up and threw his phone on my bed.

"My mom can be very overprotective sometimes..." he smiled, "so, you must be starving!" He said, changing the subject.

I shrugged.

"Okay, enough of this not-eating thing, trust me, once you smell the pizza, you're going to be like a teenage girl who hasn't had Starbucks in 2 days," he laughed,

"Not like an offense to you, like, because you're a teenage girl, and you probably like Starbucks but not like how I said it, and a lot of girls probably like Starbucks, and hey, I just made an offense to myself because I might as well be a girl and I like Starbucks. But I'm not a girl, I'm a guy, I promise, I uh---" He rambled on quickly. I shook my head chuckling.

"It's okay." I whispered.

At this point, my mind would've wondered off to how it's not okay, and how nothing will ever be okay, but for some reason it didn't.

He ran his hair through his fingers. "Well, th-the point is, you're hungry, and um, Cameron will be back with food, and---"

"Why are you nervous?" I asked quietly. I wasn't used to talking yet, but it felt good to talk, and to smile.

"I-uh, I don't know," he laughed.

I don't know how we got to this,

Or how it even happened.

But for the next hour, we just sat on the bed, criss-crossed, facing each other, playing 21 questions, or more like 100 questions.

And I talked, but not like a whisper, I actually talked.

And it felt good.

Maybe things were turning for the better...?

Or did I just jinx it?

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Sorry for he short chapter! This one was also just kind of a filler :(

Let me know what you think! Is it good or should I change some thing or work on the story a bit? Let me know!