Lose Myself

Chapter Three

3

*2 weeks later*

"Honey, please come down!" I heard my mom call. I walked down the stairs, reluctantly.

I was prepared for either a) a long speech about who knows what, or
b) she wants to spend time with me.

I was hoping for the first one more than the second...

"I just wanted to let you know that we're having company tomorrow! A friend of mine just started working at the same office as me, she just started about a week ago. She said that her son also changed schools, and is in your grade...?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I had no friends, and she knew that. I also didn't want her thinking I had anything to do with Matthew.

"The both of them are coming to dinner," she continued, "maybe you could make a friend! They're coming over tomorrow night for dinner, I just wanted to let you know." She finished. I nodded.

Then she sighed. This is what I didn't want, for the usual 'I love you so much and I want you to talk again' thing.

"Listen, honey... I just wish you'd talk to me, or anybody---it would make me and Jake so happy, do you know that?"

Follow the routine.

Nod.

"Okay," she smiled sadly, bringing her hand to my cheek. "Well I had an idea..." she trailed off. I gave her a questioning look.

"Why don't we..." she rubbed her hands together, smiling wide.

Oh, this can't be good.

"Go shopping!" She exclaimed.

No. I don't like shopping. I don't like it when people stare at me.

"We can get you a nice outfit for tomorrow...?" She opened her arms and shrugged.

No. I don't like shopping.

She hugged me. "HONEY! I'M SO EXCITED! GO GET READY AND LET ME GRAB MY PURSE!"

What?

I didn't even say yes!

Great.

I have nothing to get ready for, anyway. I can't possibly look more terrible than I already do.

I'm dressed in leggings and a big baggy grey sweatshirt.

I put on my converse and my mom comes running down the stairs.

"Let's goooo!" She sang out the door. I rolled my eyes, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

What did I just get myself into?

-

"Oh, honey!" My mom squealed, picking up a skirt and a shirt, "this would look lovely on you!"

I shook my head, no.

I don't like me legs. That tank top will show my scars. No. The answer is no.

"Okay...then what about...this?" She held up a plain black dress, with short sleeves. It was tight up to my waist, then flowed out at the bottom. It went to about my knees.

I pointed to a black cardigan. "That would look lovely with it!" She said exclaimed

"Now go try it on!"

I was reluctant to, but I did anyway, just to get me out of this place.

I couldn't wait to get out of here, because I just absurdly hated the mall. People always have me dirty looks because of what I was wearing. Well, sorry I don't fell comfortable in showing my body.

-

We were paying at the cash register. We had bought the dress and the cardigan, and black flats. This entire outfit was very fancy for me, which is why I partially didn't like it, it didn't go with, well, me.

I don't wear this type of clothing, ever, but the least I could do is wear it for my mom.

My didn't really have any, 'girl-friends' to hang out with, so I guess this was her way of hopefully making a friend.

After paying so much attention to me and my stupid depression, she had no time to spend with her friends.

"That'll be $54.76" the man at the register said.

No. No mom. I will not let you pay that much for me.

I shook my head no very quickly.

"Oh honey it's okay," she said, "I haven't gotten to spoil you in a really long time." She left it at that, and paid the guy. We soon went home, and all I could think of, was how much of a terrible person I am, to do this to my mother.

-

When we got home, I couldn't stop thinking about the dinner tomorrow night. I just hoped that it wasn't with any of the populars, maybe someone nice, who won't acknowledge me?

I suddenly grew very nervous, and I couldn't take it any longer. I needed to know who was coming to dinner. I had a hunch, but I just needed to know.

"What do you need?" She asked,

I took a piece of paper and wrote down,

Who is the boy coming tomorrow?

She smiled, and gave me that look.

I shook my head, as if to say, not like that. I'm just curious, nothing more.

She took the pen from me, and wrote,

I believe his name is Matthew. Do you know him?