Lose Myself

Chapter Eight

I think 'you're amazing' and 'I love you all so much' would be an understatement.❤️
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8

Sometimes, I don't know where to begin.

I wake up,

Then what?

What do I honestly have to live for when I wake up?

I have no friends (no, Thomas is not a friend, just a person who feels bad for me, but will soon leave like the rest), my parents don't love me, and they'd save money by not having to pay my therapist that doesn't help me in any way.

So, why am I still here?

What's keeping me from leaving?

From releasing myself?

What's preventing me from giving myself peace for once?

What?

WHAT?

I need an answer, but I can't come up with one.

It's hard.

It's difficult.

It's hard and difficult to figure out the reason as to why I'm still here.

It's my time.

It's my time to go.

What will I miss?

I'm not really sure.

The stars. I'll miss the stars.

But maybe, I can be with the stars

I can be released to the stars,

And finally be happy.

The timing has to be right,

Everything has to be perfect.

"Hey!"

I looked to my right. Sitting next to me under the lonely tree outside on a Thursday afternoon was, the one and only, Thomas.

"Aren't you cold?"He asked, "I mean...it's 35 degrees and you only have a sweatshirt on."

I shrugged. I was freezing, I was cold, but nobody cared. He didn't care, he just wanted to make conversation.

"Why don't you talk, Anna?" He asked, "Remember when I gave you a ride home---well, my mum did---and I helped you get cleaned up? I still haven't told anyone, just---that was 2 weeks ago. I just thought, maybe you'd be able to trust me by now..." He trailed off.

Here it is.

I'm used to it.

The part where people try and make me feel guilty...

"Please, explain to me, I just want to---" I didn't hear him finish his sentence, because something hard hit me in the face, then all I saw was black.

"You're so stupid!"

"Jerk!"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Yes it was, you douche!"

"Watch your mouth, french boy!"

"I'm French Canadian! There's a difference!"

"I don't give a---"

"Guys!"

I opened my eyes, to see 3 people in a room...the...nurses office?

I saw Matthew, Thomas, and...

...Cameron?

"Hey Annie," he smiled.

My eyes widened, and I smiled.

"Mom and Jake wanted me to visit as a surprise for you, but when the school called saying you got hit with a football, and how you blacked out...they sent me to come pick you up." He smiled sadly.

I smiled widely, with my teeth showing, something I haven't done since I was little.

I opened my arms, and Cam engulfed me in a big hug, his big frame engulfing my small one.

You see, Cameron is my older brother. I haven't seen him in a year, because he's been busy in LA with movies, and photoshoots---I never get to see him. So, it's only me, by myself, at the house...

With Mom and Jake of course, but I still miss Cam. He's helped me through really tough times, but now, since he lives on the other side of the country, I never see him. Only phone calls once in a while when he remembers.

But, he came all the way to Virginia...

He's here...

He's actually here...

"Matthew here---"

"By accident", Matthew interrupted,

"---threw a football and he managed to hit you right square in the face."

"I'm just saying," Thomas muttered, "it's not really likely that he'd throw the football by accident..."

"I did," Matthew stated firmly,

"Hey, I'm just saying---"

"There nothing to say!"

"It's just that---"

"Nothing! It was---"

"There's a very small percentage that---"

"GUYS!"

Everyone snapped their head to Cameron. I jumped at his sudden outburst.

Cameron sighed. "I'll deal with you two and exactly what happened later. Right now, me and Annie are going home since she can rest. I'm really pissed, Matt,"

"Dude, I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to. Plus, I never knew she was your sister. I---"

"Save it Matt." He glared, then took my hand and walked me out of the room.

We went to go sign out at he office, then got in the car. Cameron opened the driver door to my moms car, but before he got in, I said, "Cam,"

He looked at me as I walked over to him. I hugged him, tight, not wanting to let go.

"I missed you." I said simply. he hugged me back.

"I missed you so much Annie," he said. When we pulled away, he had tears in his eyes.

"Oh my god," he said, "you--you talked...oh my got Annie!"

He hugged me again, even tighter. "It's been so...so long since I've heard your voice."

I nodded, and let go. I hadn't realized I talked, but that will be the last time, ever. And I mean it.

No more talking.

I have to punish myself later for letting it slip...

But, I'm just so happy,

So,

So happy,

For once,

And possibly ever again.

But it's Cam.

My brother.

Hes been there for me when no one else was...

He saved me.

And I can never repay him.

Ever.