Lose Myself

Chapter Thirty Two

So, apparently Wattpad thinks it's funny to delete chapters. Huh..

Read note at the end of this chapter plz & thank u

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"Taylor and Bella were going out for a couple months. Taylor loved Bella, but the thing was...I liked her too. I wanted her, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it, and I couldn't just steal her from him, so I tried to manage. But, as I kept hanging out with her and Taylor, I fell in love with her...

...One weekend, we went to a MagCon in SanDiego, and she came with Taylor. Taylor, like he said, did go out to get lunch for us, and asked if I could keep Bella company since she didn't really know anyone else but me."

Matt then looked over at Taylor, who was beyond furious.

"She told me how much she loved me, and I tried to get away, but she just kept pressing on. When Taylor came back, that was when she kissed me. I couldn't deny my feelings for her."

He looked at me with sorrowful eyes. Why was he looking at me like that, shouldn't he be looking at Taylor like that? He should feel sorry for Taylor, not me! I have nothing to do with what happened.

"Look, Taylor I am so so sor---"

"Get over it Matthew. She never loved me anyway." Taylor looked down at the floor. I felt bad for him. But, what was I supposed to do? Be mad at Matthew for falling in love with another girl? And, she was the one who kissed him. It was kind of like the situation with me and Matt right now.

I didn't want to fall in love with him, just like Matt didn't want to fall in love with Bella. But, I couldn't help it. And neither could Matt. So, when he kissed me, it wasn't like I wasn't going to kiss him back.

But something just didn't seem right... He said all of that very quickly, and it was as if he were leaving out a huge part of it that he wasn't telling me on purpose. I just didn't know how to say, "I know you're lying. Tell me what you're not telling me."

I mean, I could say that, I just had no idea how to get it out.

"Look, Taylor..." I said, sounding sympathetic. "I know what Matthew did was a dick move," I saw Matthew flinch in the corner of my eye. I felt bad for saying it but, it was the truth. "But that doesn't mean you should get back at him. That won't get Bella back. Messing around with me like I'm some thing that you can toy around with, won't get her back."

Taylor didn't look as mad anymore. I think what I had said was finally syncing in. I was hoping this was a sign of progress. I knew there was some good in him, at least a small part of him that wasn't all douched-up, and I think I had finally found it.

He sighed.

"Maybe that's not what I want."

"What?"

"I don't want Bella back. She's the last person I want to see right now. What you guys did to me still hurts, but I'm over it now. I don't want Bella." Taylor then turned his attention to me instead of speaking to Matthew. He looked me dead in the eye, with the most serious face if ever seen anyone muster.

"I want Anna."

Why was everybody so...so obsessed with me lately? Was this all some sort of joke to them? Did they just toy around with people like this for fun? I just didn't see the point. I didn't see how any of them wanted me.

Matthew had been best friends with my bullies, and he didn't stand up for me once, let alone show any interest in me whatsoever. And now, we're 'dating' I guess, whatever you want to call it. Now, I'm 'his'. Then, we pick up Taylor, and he's all over me just to get back at Matthew for a mistake he made years ago. But, he just admitted that he actually liked me. And the. There's Cameron---I don't see why he's so intent on keeping me safe and away from my parents. Why would he give up fame and the most important time of his life, to help his poor little depressed sister on the run? It just didn't make sense.