"I want to ask how are you on your work, Aeya! Is it hard to be a doctor?"
Napangiti ako. Parang baliw lang. I'm just relieved for the change of topic.
My career is actually my outlet. Though it's stress after stress. You do it to vent your stress. Sa huli doon ka rin babalik sa trabaho mo...
"Some days are razor blades" I said as I exhaled.
"But I find it comfort whenever I'm done taking surgeries. I love what I'm doing. I love my work, it's helping me to veer away from the negatives."
Lumawak ang ngiti ni Dr. Marcell at tumango. I could see her pride for me.
"That's great, Aeya." aniya saka umayos ng upo.
Tumikhim siya at bumaba ang seryosong mukha. I guess we're done talking about the positive things.
Pinadulas niya ang sarili sa dulo ng sofa tila ba hinahanda ang sarili sa nais niyang sabihin.
"Maybe your dream signifies for you to confront the past. Na kung sakali mang magbalik ang mga tao sa nakaraan, you confront in leiu of running away from them..." She paused.
I took that inkling to nod to let her know na nakasunod ako sa sinabi niya. Na kwento ko kasi ang mga panaginip ko nitong mga araw tungkol sa nakaraan na ayaw akong patahimikin.
"I know running away is easier, but would it still be easy if it keeps on hunting you rather than you out brave for it to cease it's purposely?"
Binalabal ko sa aking utak ang sinabi niya. Nagawa ko na rin yan noon and I do agree. It would keep on hunting kahit pa gaano kalayo ang natakbo mo. It would chase and outrun you. Overtake you. Mas mabuti nang sa isang bagsakan lang ang hirap at iyon ay kumprontasyon.
Ang tanong, kakayanin ko ba? Handa ba ako?
Binalot ko nang mabuti sa aking katawan ang black trench coat nang makalabas sa building. Tiningala ko ang patuloy na pagpatak ng niyebe at nagawa pa itong saluin sa palad ko upang aliwin ang sarili.
Ngiti akong pumikit habang sinasalo rin sila ng mga mata ko. I fanned some snowflakes away through my lashes.
I blow some air and witness my cold breathe disappeared into the thick air. Hindi ko na kailangan ng sigarilyo pwede na akong magpausok ng ganito.
"Walking in a Winter Snow...." mahina kong kanta at bahagyang tumawa sa pamumuo ulit ng usok sa bibig ko.
Napatingin pa sa akin iyong isang babae at kinunutan ako ng noo. Hinayaan ko siya sa kanyang iniisip.
This is simply attaining the recognition that I have been yearning. Then once again, it's not enough. Upon realizing that it still wasn't enough that I have this success. I was able to deduce that I have to go through the things I'm anxious about to stop the turmoil.
And I did. The turmoil let up. Turns out I wasn't really looking for the satisfaction of being recognized. It pains to admit that I regret even being worried about not being the best.
Dahil kahit ikaw ang pinaka magaling palagi pa rin talagang may kulang. Lalo na kung ginagawa mo na't lahat lahat, hindi ka naman masaya.
What's success if you only have your efforts yet you're not enjoying what you do? Is the feeling of fulfillment sprouts out from being successful alone?
The answers to my question will remain unanswered had I not actualize my decision.Pinagpasalamat ko ang nakaraan kahit gaano pa kapait iyon upang mapagtanto ang mga tanong ko sa buhay.
Sometimes the bad can lead you to the right one. Binalikan ko ang mga hiniling ko rati. Ang mga bumabagabag sa akin. Ang mga hindi ako pinapatulog.
BINABASA MO ANG
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