the night of june 2nd // sanders sides ✔

14 : high school patton

*TW: Bullying, use of homophobic slurs, body shaming, eating disorder, mentions of suicide attempts*

High school Patton wasn't bullied. He was tortured.

As an adult on the road to recovery, Patton didn't know how he managed to not die from malnourishment or suicide back in his teen days.

"Get the fuck out of here, fatass!"

"What a fucking fairy."

They would shove him against lockers in the gym locker room and beat him until he passed out and had to stumble his way to the nurse's office to get an ice pack and then enter class late.

Gym was a huge trigger for him in general.

The bullying just threw him into even more of a spiral of endless taunting.

The first day of his junior year of high school, he already got knocked out while he heard those familiar words, "faggot," and "fat," and "anorexic" shouted at him from the same few guys who hadn't stopped for years. It was all while he was getting his materials from the locker room when he was hit upside the head by someone's textbook, and he still never knew who.

He fell to the ground with the room spinning around him.

Roman laughing at Patton with his friends was the last thing Patton saw before he passed out, woke up in the nurse's office while the final bell rang, and went home.

Patton could never forget was what he tried to do as soon as he got home and went straight to the bathroom knowing he was home alone.

He lived through it though.

He lived through every time he tried.

Roman wasn't his worst bully, but he was part of the group.

Someone would shout at Patton about his weight, shaming him for being bigger despite him starving himself. They knew it would make him eat even less.

"I hope he fucking starves to death."

That was what Patton heard when he peeked around the corner at the group of boys who ruined his life again and again. Roman stayed silent.

But he was there.

That was what mattered.

Then Patton met Remus. He had heard about Remus, because everyone had; he was Roman's disappointment of a twin. The stoner twin, the loser twin, the mistake. Unlike Roman, Remus was never referred to solely by his first name.

That's why he and Patton were nearly friends. They chatted behind the school a bit, venting about things Roman did.

Patton knew Remus was a druggie.

That's why he went behind the school, found Remus smoking a cigarette, and asked for a container of something strong.

He went home and overdosed, trying again for the last time, praying it would finally work.

It almost did.

He didn't know why God wanted him alive. Everything Patton was went against his religion.

He was out of school for months and somehow the reason why found its way onto school grounds and everyone was talking about it. Though many were sympathetic, as soon as Patton came back, the typical group had slipped a note into his locker which read, "You should've died."

Patton knew they were right. He crumpled up the note and slammed his locker shut.

Turning around, he was greeted by Roman.

Roman wasn't nearly as scary without his friends around, but Patton knew better, and he knew he had to run. His friends could come out of nowhere and beat the shit out of him at any second.

"Patton."

Patton didn't reply. He began speed walking away.

"Patton! I just want to talk to you!"

"No you don't!" Patton flipped him off and ran, but Roman was faster and he grabbed the smaller one's arm. When his grip was tight around his sleeve, he realized how thin Patton's arms really were. "Don't touch me! Roman Walsh, I could fucking kill you if I wanted to!"

He was shocked at his own words.

His parents would murder him if they heard. They'd force the Bible down his throat for hours and never let him skip church again. Patton rarely swore, let alone threaten to murder anyone.

They both froze.

"What?" Patton challenged, his voice weak but gaining power as he spoke. "You don't pretend like you don't want me dead. I've tried to kill myself over and over and now you want to fucking talk to me? What about it? I'd like you to see how it feels! You've never had a problem in your life! Asshole!"

"Junior year is ending soon," Roman said after a long pause. "I want to leave all of this in the past before it messes with my future."

Patton furrowed his eyebrows. "Hell no."

"So you want to keep this going?" Roman towered over him. "Why? Wh-"

"I don't want you to continue, I want to make up because you're sorry, not because I'll tell all the colleges you're applying to! You're just encouraging me to ruin your life. I'll do it."

Roman's eyes darkened with rage as he slammed Patton's frail body against the lockers. "Fucking try me, you stupid anorexic bitch. You know what? You were right for once. Just go kill yourself again, and this time, don't survive, or me and my friends are gonna kill you ourselves. It's cute that you tried standing up to me this time."

Patton hid in a girls' bathroom stall. If he went into the boys' bathroom and someone caught him crying, he'd never be able to live it down. Everyone would know. He wasn't afraid of boys in general, but little things are big.

Someone knocked on the stall and a calm voice of a girl in his grade asked, "Hey, are you alright? I saw you run in here. The bell rang, and I think you're late to class, but it's okay. I can take you to the nurse if you want. I'm sure she'll let you rest if you aren't ready to go to class."

Patton exited the stall. "I'm okay." He was wiping his eyes and watched as the girl with blonde hair in a low ponytail smiled sadly at him.

"You sure? It's really okay. I don't mind. There's always someone who comes here to cry in a stall. Don't think I haven't done this before. Your name's Patton, right? You're not alone."

She gave him a hug and gasped when the size of the hoodie didn't match at all to the size of the boy, but she swallowed back her comment.

Eventually he let her take him to the nurse. He never caught her name, but she always smiled at him in the hallways whenever she saw him until high school was over.

Senior year was when he met Virgil, the new kid. Quickly, they became best friends despite how difficult it was for both of them to open up. It wasn't weird with each other for some reason. Maybe it was because it was hell to be a new kid as a senior.

Patton was at peace that year, mostly. Most of his bullies had gotten suspended and/or arrested thanks to the blonde girl, and Roman had left the friend group and became friends with some nerd he used to argue with all the time.

Patton still hated Roman. Virgil hated Roman too even though he'd never met him, because of what he did to Patton, who Virgil was beginning to fall head over heels for. Again, Virgil really met Roman when he was 21 and crying in the park.

If Virgil had come to school any earlier, he would know Roman. But Roman lost a lot of popularity (though he was far from unpopular) after he left his previous friend group, while Remus...

Remus never hung out behind the school anymore.

Remus was in rehab.