Skylas

Alcohol at Parties

Skylar: Ugh. Okay. Good evening. I'm Skylar Hudson, here with the number two bastard, Lukas Harden.

Lukas: Number two? Who's number one?

Skylar: Someone obviously more of a bastard than you.

Lukas: Okay? Anyway, Good Evening. I'm Lukas Harden here with Skylar Hudson. Our topic of tonight, alcohol at parties.

Skylar: Yes yes, although that is such an important topic, let's get to a sibling of that topic that is a little more important. Why the Hell do virgins think that it's okay to invade wild high school, even adult, parties if they want to stay virgins? I mean really. If you're not going to sleep with some random person in one of the various bedrooms, on the porch, in the garage, in the back of the family's expensive ass Ferrari, then get your stupid cup of virgin beer and get out. Ciao. Seeya. Adios. Bya. Bye. Later loser. Au Revoir. Buh bye!

Lukas: Yes, but Skylar, drinking at parties is dangerous.

Skylar: And yet, you get hammered every party we go to. You're always there with a beer in your hand, or you know, hanging over a girl's shoulder, and I'm the one giving you smart ones a ride home, resulting in my car smelling like beer, sweat, sometimes vomit (thanks Sterling), and sometimes expensive cologne. Honestly, you guys are pigs.

Lukas: I remember having to cart your ass home that one time. You had fallen asleep after telling Ryan how you really felt about him. He was too drunk to remember and you had to hope that it was a dream... which it wasn't.

Skylar: Yeah, and if you reveal what I said, I will send all of your phone pics, yes that includes the file labeled, "To Delete: Naked", to all of the contacts on your phone, starting with Dear Mrs. Harden, or Mommy Dearest to you.

Lukas: That's a scary threat, Hudson. Are you sure you can carry out something like that?

Skylar: Oh yeah. I make promise of that.

Lukas: Anyway, drinking at parties...

Skylar: Oh boo hoo. They can drink. It's just the matter of if they follow the rules, getting a cab, and making sure that they aren't pregnant, guys that means you too and yes, I am making mPreg and option now, ah thank you. Be careful when self pleasing as well.

Lukas: Skylar...

Skylar: Calm down, Luka, I'm not going to go too far. Do you have anything to add?

Lukas: I think we should go back to our previous topic.

Skylar: Honestly, I think we should talk about porn again. That was an interesting topic and I have a few more things to add.

Lukas: Here we go again...

Skylar: Types of porn. I mean there's straight porn, lesbian porn, gay porn, threesomes, foursomes, fivesome, orgy's, all that disgusting crap that people get off on. I assume the term is fap?

Lukas: fappity fap fap fap- What?

Skylar: Anyway... Moving away from porn, what is your opinion on student/teacher relationships? Like, hot student/hot teacher relationships?

Lukas: I think it's illegal for a reason. Students and teachers shouldn't date.

Skylar: What if they marry?

Lukas: When the student is still a student? No. Just no way.

Skylar: I don't think it's that bad. It's like gay marriage. Just fine and not hurting anyone.

Lukas: But gay marriage. It's just... I don't know. Strange.

Skylar: How so?

Lukas: You know what I mean.

Skylar: Nope. I want an explanation for why you think that one topic is "kinda strange".

Lukas: I was raised to believe that men and women marry, not men and men or women and women.

Skylar: What freaky religion are you? Remember, I'm bi and I've probably gotten more ass from both sexes than you.

Lukas: One, I'm catholic. Two, I beg to differ.

Skylar: Shut up. So anyway, earlier this week, I went to the doctor and hey, wouldn't you know it. The nurse was flirting up a storm with me. I asked her age and guess how old she was. She was nineteen. Hell she didn't even ask if I was gay or not. She just assumed that I wanted her. True, she was cute.

Lukas: She might have been straight.

Skylar: Oh please. I'm like the female Julian Fields. I can turn any person and everybody wants me.

Lukas: Oh brother. How do you know what flirting is like?

Skylar: Please, I'm not a child, Luka. Plus it's the same thing you do with Casey, Briana, and Megan. I can spot it easily.

Lukas: I'm temporarily ignoring you, cause we all know you tell no truth-

Skylar: Hey!

Lukas: Anyway, who's Julian Fields? Sounds familiar.

Skylar: Julian Turner Fields is like the Alpha Gay. He's the king of BDSM. He used to be this gigantic slut back in high school and rebelled against everything. He's my role model. Hell, you met him Junior year. Remember?

Lukas: Oh yeah. I remember. You and Chris body slammed me so hard at the trampoline place that I was sore for weeks. And not in the fun way.

Skylar: Ah memories.

Lukas: Well, it looks like our time is up. Any parting words, Skylar?

Skylar: Oh yes. All of you sexual bunnies need to know that virgins cannot be allowed in parties. Which reminds me; VIRGINS STAY THE HELL OUT OF OUR CLUBS AND PARTIES AND BARS. YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE! But be safe. I swear, the school definitely needs to start handing out condoms and lube. Hell, while they're at it, the can sell vibrators, whips, and other kinky things at the student stores. For first period announcements; "Alright class, the student store is not selling flavored lube and fuzzy handcuffs. Don't forget to sign up for the new family life class and grab a handful of condoms on the way out of the door. And remember, this week's football game is versus James J. Ferris at JJF. Have a nice day." I mean really.

Lukas: Alright then... So that conclu-

Skylar: Wait! I have one more thing to say.

Lukas: Yes?

Skylar: Luka... *breathes deeply* I am your father.

Lukas: Oh brother. Well then, I got to get this one to bed. Again, this is Lukas Harden here with Skylar Hudson. We'll see you next time on Skylas.

Skylar: Au Revoir.