Skylas

First Dates

Skylar: Have you ever noticed that the word cucumber has CUM in it?

Lukas: Skylar...

Skylar: It does! I mean seriously. Example, you go up to someone and say, "Hey, do you want a cuCUMber?" or "What's long, hard, and has cum in it?" Right, am I right?

Lukas: Good evening. I'm Lukas Harden here with Skylar Hudson-

Skylar: That's me! Our topic tonight is places to get freaky!

Lukas: No Sky, the topic tonight is First Dates.

Skylar: Hey, did you know that you can actually get porn on Bing? So, you see, back in high school we had Chromebooks. And the Chromebooks had safesearch on it. So long story short, for a short story I needed names of explicit videos, so Google blocked me out, so I ended up going onto Bing. And hey, wouldn't you know it. Bing is PORNUTOPIA!

Lukas: Skylar, remembered what you promised Ryan?

Skylar: Right... No talking about porn... So, topic of today-

Lukas: SKYLAR HAS A FIRST DATE!

Skylar: Shut up, Harden.

Lukas: You'll never guess who with!

Skylar: Shut up, Harden.

Lukas: It's Ryan! Skylar Perfect Hudson-

Skylar: Not my middle name-

Lukas: Finally kissed the guy!

Skylar: Why are we talking about this? Aren't we getting off topic?

Lukas: Says you. This is needed for the topic.

Skylar: How so?

Lukas: The topic is first dates. What the hell do you think I'm talking about?

Skylar: An embarrassment.

Lukas: So kissing Ryan is an embarrassment?

Skylar: No! Of course not! I've wanted to do that for a while. It's just, that's not all to the story-

Lukas: STORYTIME!!!

Skylar: No!

Lukas: Si. Oui. Yes. (I have no other language).

Skylar: Fine. I feel into the lake, Ryan fished me out, I kissed him, we both fell in, the End.

Lukas: Oh whatever.

Skylar: I have another topic that's bugging me. Maturbation. When we hear that word, we turn our heads, pretending, keyword pretending, not to listen when we're actually listening and praying that we don't go to Hell for trying to hide our sexual minds.

Luas: Sky...

Skylar: Relax Luka, I'm going to Hell already. Self pleasuring is regrettably one of the most useful things in the universe. Sad to say, it is right up there with porn and other sexual perversions. Oh the human race is a naughty bunch. Masturbation: erotic stimulation resulting in orgasm and acheivied by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies. So in simple, idiot terms, you get hard, you jerk off or women do something similar to reach their G spot.

Lukas: Are you going to state something embarrassing everyday?

Skylar: Yes. Plus I just love making you blush.

Lukas: I think we should change our topic...

Skylar: Hell no. I'm just getting started. Did you know that males are most likely to use their left hand when self pleasuring? Yep. You know last week I was watching Igor and you know that transgender-looking monster, you know the one with the skinny arm? See, that's what happens when you don't switch off and only work it with one hand. Sigh. I guess they'll never learn.

Lukas: Okay. Well, we are unfortunately out of time for tonight. Any parting words, Sky?

Skylar: I have a few. Make. Good. Choices. You don't want to end up like Eva. Ciao.

Lukas: Well then. Again, this is Lukas Harden with Skylar Hudson. We'll see you next time on Skylas.

Skylar: Hehe. Bya!

Lukas: Skylar! Put that back!

Skylar: Never!