Skylas

Getting Back Into The Norm?

Skylar: Heyo my freaks. Tis I, your evil overlord and the best damn person you'll ever meet. I hope you didn't miss me too much.

Lukas: Shut up, Skylar. You may have aged a year, but you're not good at acting any age besides five.

Skylar: Oh my god, do you hear this rudeness? Seriously, like, ten years of friendship means absolutely nothing! Harsh.

Lukas: We haven't been friends for ten years, stop drinking so much.

Skylar: The nectar of the gods affects me none! 

Lukas: Right. Because 'nectar of the gods' is code word for excessive amounts of wine and Fireball whiskey. Will you start already?

Skylar: Please make sure that your lace days-of-the-week panties are untwisted and maybe I'll consider.

Lukas: Skylar!

Skylar: My name is usually followed by gasps, orgasmic moans, and/or "take out the trash". So I am mildly confused. 

Lukas: We had this huge pointless argument over the phone last night over who would start today and you're acting like this now? On the count of five, you better start or I'm going to. Five.

Skylar: Can I just say that-

Lukas: Four.

Skylar: For the record-

Lukas: Three.

Skylar: I am-

Lukas: Two.

Skylar: Skylar Freaking Hudson here with Lukas Perfect Harden and this is a little episode I like to call 'Getting Back Into the Norm'.

Lukas: Believe it or not, I've only resulted to the counting method a couple of times this week. 

Skylar: I'm a trained frog. True story.

Lukas: Trained is not the word you're looking for...

Skylar: There is so much more inside me now!

Lukas: What?

Skylar: What?

Lukas: You're not trained.

Skylar: Now now, Luka. Lying is not a virtue. 

Lukas: I'm not at all virtuous and neither are you.

Skylar: Tis very true my good sir.

Lukas: Is there any point to this? Or are we just fucking around? 

Skylar: Oh! Right! Well, as I previously stated, this episode of Skylas is about taking on our roles as the hosts, once again, of this wonderful podcast! We have both been absent for so long! 

Lukas: It's not my fault work has me traveling. 

Skylar: Aren't you a doctor?

Lukas: It requires me to travel for seminars and et cetera because I am a highly trained in my field and others learn from me. 

Skylar: You're a pediatric doctor. You work with kids. Stop lying, you're going to see your whore. 

Lukas: Whore? I am married, quite happily, with a child who is the most perfect angel ever. Why would I need a whore?

Skylar: There are many reasons for whores.

Lukas: Is that what went wrong with your marriage? 

Skylar: Whoa! Too soon.

Lukas: Are you guys back together, or what? Because Jem came back home after sleeping over with Jace, telling me that Jace was complaining constantly about your "affair". 

Skylar: I have no idea what he was talking about.

Lukas: Uh uh. Explain what happened for those who've missed what's going on in your life.

Skylar: Fine. Well ladies and gents, I got a divorce. It was a mess and a shit ton of money. Kids hated it, I hated it, he hated it, everyone hated it. 

Lukas: It wasn't that-

Skylar: Yes it was. Don't give me that.

Lukas: What even started this? I thought you two were fine.

Skylar: We had a silent hatred towards each other. We love each other, but we despise each other nevertheless.

Lukas: You said "had".

Skylar: Have... I mean have..

Lukas: Uh huh...

Skylar: And waht about you? What's happened with the Harden fam? 

Lukas: well, I had family dinner with Jemmy's boyfriend. That was insanely fun. Oh, and Meg's been taking physical therapy to ease herself back into walking and stuff. She even took a walk around the block yesterday. She did take the cat out in a stroller though...

Skylar: good, sounds like everything's good with Meg. How are Zach and Jem? Totally in love?

Lukas: Seemingly. It's a little early though. Zach doesn't scare easy. 

Skylar: Good for him.

Lukas: *grumbles*

Skylar: I feel like we've become boring old farts.

Lukas: how so?

Skylar: Remember our first episode? 

Lukas: We talked about porn and sadomasochism. 

Skyar: Exactly! Now we talk about the wife and kids. Boring!

Lukas: Well, what do you want to talk about?

Skylar: Lesbian por-

Lukas: Skylar.

Skylar: I watched some really aquatic gay porn like a week ago. They constantly switched positions in a pool. It was like a kid pool. No plot, just fucking. Only one had a condom on. 

Lukas: I may have aged a decent amount of years, however I still don't want to hear your tales of porn escapades.

Skylar: I thought that's what you lived for.

Lukas: *mumbles under breath* Maybe when I was single.

Skylar: What was that?

Lukas: I said, "EW no!"

Skylar: Uh huh. Whatever you say.

Lukas: So how about that Seahawks' game? Excellent win, eh?

Skylar: Don't change the subject using the Hawks'. It was a good game, but that doesn't give you the right to completely do a 180 on the situation. 'For shame, for shame', to quote Sam Seabury.

Lukas: Who?

Skylar: Some jackass. We don't need to approach the subject.

Lukas: Uh, okay. 

Skylar: Speaking of subject, what's our next one?

Lukas: No idea. I'm getting tired.

Skylar: It's only two in the morning. Stop being such an old fart. 

Lukas: Skylar, we have kids. We have jobs. We're adults. Sooner or later we have to grow up. I suggest you do that. I'm going to bed. *leaves*

Skylar: ...Wow. Okay. Um, I'm Skylar Hudson here with Lukas Harden. We'll uh, catch ya later. Goodnight.