Skylas

Firsts - Guest Stars Ryan Avery and the Doctor

Skylar: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!

Lukas: What?

Skylar: IT'S ON YOUR HEAD!!!

Lukas: Calm down, Hudson.

Skylar: I'm feeling really parano- *runs to trash can and throws up*

Lukas: Jeez Sky, are you sick or something?

Skylar: I have never been sick in my life, Lukas. My doctors studies me and wondered why, for years, why I could never get sick. I have been exposed to multiple illnesses. My parents thought I was fucking deformed or mentally ill. My fifth grade year, half of it was spent in a hospital getting tests done. I. Am. Not. Sick.

Lukas: Jeez! Okay.

Skylar: Sorry. It's just... I don't know. My shoulders hurt. Can you massage them please?

Lukas: I g-guess. Do you promise not to fall asleep on me? *starts* Can I start the show already?

Skylar: Sure, whatever.

Lukas: Good evening, I'm Lukas Harden, here with Skylar Hudson and our topic tonight is firsts. ...... Really? Nothing?

Skylar: What? I was letting you finish. Firsts, hmmm. Let me see. First kiss. So awkward, so special. You really have no idea what you're doing, so it's really sloppy and not at all romantic. Your first time is a lot like that as well. Sloppy, uncoordinated, special, quick, loud, awkward, and all that shit rolled up into one sweaty, moaning, less-that-one-hour event. Tragically, people try to make it special and you end up with rose petals up your ass. Ha! What a bunch of crap. I lost mine in the back of a red 2009 Chevy Silverado to my third ex boyfriend named Jake (lies!!!). Not special. No special, "I love you's" or "we'll be together forever's". Nada. I honestly hate this whole topic and hope it goes to hell along with every mormon, hater, and the Westboro Baptist Church. Filth!

Lukas: Jeez...

Skylar: Did you know that there is more than one stupid way to ask someone out?

Lukas: Duh.

Skylar: There's the Drunk Ask Out, the Guilt Ask Out, the Serious-Love Ask Out, et cetera. First, the Drunk Ask Out: So, picture this: You're at a party and you hook up with someone you've crushed on for a while now. Next morning, "So, we had sex... and it was really good sex. So I propose that we date, so we can continue having sex without people judging us. You okay with that?"

Lukas: That seems honestly really dumb and I don't know anybody who would do that.

Skylar: Oh, you'd be surprised. Second, the Guilt Ask Out: So picture this: You hook up with a girl, telling her a bunch of bullshit, causing her to fall madly in love with you. So, if you're easily guilted, you think, "Oh I feel bad, but I really don't want to be with this chick..." Out loud, "Will yo-" *throws up*

Lukas: Okay Sky, we're going to the hospital.

Skylar: I'm not fuc- *throws up again*

Lukas: Uh-huh.

***in da car***

Lukas: So, we're in the car, on the way to the hospital. Sky's throwing up in the small trashcan next to me, all the windows are down. She's also blasting Blood On The Dance Floor, but that's beside the point. Say hi, Sky.

Skylar: Fuck off, Harden.

Lukas: Gee, thanks. And here I am driving you to the hospital. Hmm, maybe I SHOULD fuck off.

Skylar: Oh, stop throwing yourself a pity party and drive.

Lukas: I have a question.

Skylar: And I have an answer if you'd just ask the fucking question.

Lukas: Okay! So, how did you know you were bi?

Skylar: Why? Thinking of a threesome? You batting for both teams? *throws up*

Lukas: No! Of course not! I was just wondering.

Skylar: Well, I woke up one morning, jumped out of bed, and thought to myself, "I'm gonna go kiss a girl today!"

Lukas: Sounds like something you would do.

Skylar: Yup. Oh good, we're he- *throws up*

Lukas: Finally.

***in da waiting room***

*****GETTING A CALL FROM RYAN*****

Skylar: Hey Skittles. What's up?

Ryan: Nothing baby. Just missing you. What's up?

Lukas: We're at the hospital.

Skylar: Luk-

Ryan: WHAT?! I'm on my way! Which hospital?

Skylar: Ry, it's f-

Lukas: Mercy Medical.

Ryan: Thanks Lukas. I'll see you soon baby. *hangs up*

Skylar: You. Asshole.

Lukas: *laughing* He wanted to know. Haha! So I told him.

Skylar: I hate you.

Lukas: I love you too, girly. You'll thank me later.

Skylar: Sure...

Doctor: Skylar Hudson?

Skylar: That's me. Come on, Luka.

Doctor: Who is this? Boyfriend? Husband?

Skylas: Oh god no!

Skylar: Brother. And he should behave.

Lukas: Woof woof.

Doctor: Alright then, f-

*Ryan runs in*

Ryan: Baby, are you alright?

Doctor: Okay. Who is this?

Skylar: This is my partner. Ry, I'm fine.

Ryan: I'm still staying.

Skylar: Stubborn pain in the ass.

Lukas: Oh boy!

Doctor: Shall we?

Skylar: Yes, let's go.

*****after the examination*****

Doctor: Skylar Hudson?

Skylar: Yup, that's me. So what's up?

Doctor: Well, I have some good news and some... other news.

Skylar: Start with the good news.

Doctor: Okay. The good news is, you're not sick.

Ryan: Okay. What's the other news?

Lukas: Yeah?

Doctor: Well, I don't know how to say this lightly, but, you're two months pregnant.

Skylar: WHAT?

Ryan: How is t-that possible? W-we've been careful.

Lukas: Ha. It was only a matter of time.

Skylar/Ryan: Fuck off, Harden.

Lukas: Unbelieveable.

Doctor: Congratulations. You should schedule a checkup soon and every month or so to make sure that the pregnancy is going smoothly.

Ryan: Are we done here?

Doctor: Yes. Have a nice day.

Ryan: You too. *Doctor leaves* Lukas, end this thing please.

Lukas: Right, once again I am Lukas Harden here with Skylar Hudson, future baby Hudson, and Ryan Avery. Thank you for joining us once again and we'll see you next time on Skylas. And Good night.

Ryan: Good night.

Skylar: Oh christ...