Skylas

Halloween Special - Guest Star Coleman Young

Coleman: Please Sky. I've always wanted to try this.

Skylar: You're not even on the show!

Coleman: Good evening. I'm Coleman Young here with Skylar Hudson and our topic tonight is Halloween.

Skylar: That's what they all say, but really. My main topic is a game called, "Where's Luka?"

Coleman: Everybody knows where Lukas is, Sky.

Skylar: Luka was last spotted in California, where he was in a pair of blue board shorts. It seems like he was trying to escape me...

Coleman: The most logical reason, which has been proven, is that he's visiting his father. Which he is. I thought he told you?
Skylar: And you think I actually listen?

Coleman: Of course not, Sky. So Halloween...

Skylar: Halloween is the time of year where teenage girls are free to dress like sluts and skanks while the guys dress like superheros, badasses, and some of them actually turn slutty for one night as well. Adults pass out "candy", or cocaine in a delicately designed wrapper, to little children who are foolish enough to take anything wrapped in a wrapper. Dentists actually disgrace this holiday by passing out apples, carrots, pretzels, toothbrushes, floss, et cetera, and everybody is so fucking happy. Halloween is the night of October 31, the eve of All Saints' Day, commonly celebrated by children who dress in costume and solicit candy or other treats door-to-door.

Coleman: Jesus, you really know how to sugar coat everything, don't ya?

Skylar: Yeah I do.

Coleman: ...Sky-

Skylar: Halloween is a perverts favorite holiday. Do you know how many kids get kidnapped on Halloween? A lot. And it's gonna keep happening. Just wait, your kid's gonna be next.

Coleman: This is really depressing.

Skylar: It's the cold hard facts, baby.

Coleman: As a kid, Halloween was the time that I dressed up as the newest and coolest superhero and went out with a pumpkin bucket to get loads of candy that I would sneak up to my room and eat in two days.

Skylar: As a kid, my mom would take us to parties and then we would go trick or treating. Our candy was stashed on top of the fridge and eaten slowly over the course of the year.

Coleman: Childhood. As a child, the most pain I had ever felt was a scraped knee or a splinter. Now there's heartbreak, danger everywhere, and all that innocence is gone.

Skylar: Now the word innoc-

Coleman: THIS IS DEPRESSING!!!

Skylar: So gay bars. Have you ever been to one?

Coleman: No.

SKylar: They really are something. The drinks are better. The music is better. The girls are hotter. I actually brought Ryan to one and we had fun. What really was fun is when I took Briana, Casey, and Megan to one. We went to Puzzles. It was really just awesome. The music was amazing. It was none of that dubstep crap, no Justin Bieber, no crappy music. The drinks were unbelieveable. This one gay guy recommended me a Canadian Scotch that I found tasting so fucking good. Honestly, I should take you. It might turn you.

Coleman: No thanks. I'm happily dating Kaylie. The thought of being with a guy sounds wrong. But I guess I'll go.

Skylar: That's the spirit. I have another thing to talk about. Using someone else's bed for sex. I mean obviously if you're a great couple that are never going to lose your sexual attraction towards each other, that' great, but I don't want to walk into my bedroom to find one of them tied up, completely naked, to the bedpost and panting, while the other one only has boxers on and is hovering over the other one. Especially if it's your two bestfriends, one whose face is twisted in pure ecstatic bliss and the other one holds a devilish smirk on his face and lust in his eyes. Ryan, sweetie, this was before you moved in.

Coleman: Did that really happen?

Skylar: Unfortunately. Fucking horn dogs.

Coleman: ...

Skylar: New topic. Cheerleaders. That is the group of girls that are the fakest things you'll ever see. They're covered in make up, wrapped in tight short skirts, and super fucking cheery. They're the group of slutty girls doing the slutty cheers to the slutty songs. Just pathetic. Sadly I was one of them for a year.

Coleman: I remember that year.

Skylar: Don't get me started on that year.

Coleman: Well, our time is up. Anything to add Sky?

Skylar: Happy Halloween! Wear yellow, orange is tacky, stay with an adult kids, and practice safe party sex.

Coleman: Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm Coleman Young here with Skylar Hudson. She'll see you next time on Skylas.

Skylar: Ciao!