ever after

feel special | tetsurin

there are one of those days
days when i suddenly feel all alone
when i feel like i don't belong anywhere
and my head is hanging down

this world, earth, is indeed a shit place that we humans, destructive beings, dub as 'home'. it's perfect, isn't it, how a wasteland is home to the worst beings in this entire galaxy?

anyone and anything can bring a person down. it's simple. i can tell sweet lies to someone else when that person really believes it matters, when it doesn't to me, and it can hurt this person, to the point that death is a viable option.

that's how zarrin felt. she was royally pissed that some people can take things that she felt strongly for so lightly that it made her feel that her thoughts, opinions, and beliefs were invalid. she felt unwanted, unloved, and useless.

why did she have to exist? if everything was going to play out this way, why did she have to live? there was no point in living, she thought, so it's better to just end it all before it gets even more painful, even more unbearable.

whenever those days come, you tell me
how precious i am
all those words you say
everything's alright
from 'nobody' to 'somebody'
i become a very special me

on days like those, zarrin would lock herself in her room, cry to herself, and let those dark thoughts settle in. thoughts that whisper words of malice and self-doubt that toss her into a whirlpool of misery. she would then question herself and what pros would there be if she continued living. the cons always outweighed, it seemed.

kuroo, her then housemate and crush, would knock and come in. he knew what her mental state was like. he knew how much pain she was in, how much she was suffering. he'd give anything to take the pain away, or even suffer himself, but he could do nothing. only stand by and watch her plow through the turbulence.

the best he could do was offer comfort, shelter, and warmth. anything that he thought could possibly drive the demons that hid in her mind away.

cuddling to friendly kisses on the forehead are the magical pills that she indulged in, happily receiving them and forcing the shadows into her pandora's box, wishing it would stay sealed for a long time as she stayed in his arms. a content smile would drift over to her face as she held him tight, and vice versa.

i just wanted to hide
didn't wanna face the world
as if everything has lost meaning
as if i have lost meaning
i just sat there still

her friends told her countless times that no, it's not worth it to succumb to the enticing hands of death. they talk like inspirational and motivational speakers, but it's only talk. words.

how would you know? she wanted to ask, cry, and perhaps, scream, you've never experienced it before, you don't know what it's like!

they never would, because they never thought about death. even if they did, the period passed and never came back.

death wrapped its spindly, cold fingers around her, trying to drag her into its icy embrace. it's demanding, painful, and alluring: she always wished she could just fall under that touch and just close her eyes to bid a final goodbye to this world.

the option of death was so close, and yet so, so far away.

then you appeared before me
with a warm smile, you held out your hand
everything's alright
from 'nobody' to 'somebody'
i become a very special me