GIVE ME LOVE [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER 23 • JENNIE

Nakahiga ako sa kama at nakatulala, contemplating about life. I am a mess and my life is a mess.

Hindi ako paboritong anak ng Daddy ko, palagi lang akong second best sa lahat. I was never a daddy's girl, mas close ako sa Mom ko and si Ate Hyun naman close kay Dad. Wala naman sa akin yon, seeing my Dad giving extra attention to my Ate. I was happy with my life way back then, but when my Mom died parang gumuho yung mundo ko. I suddenly feel alone, Parang ako nalang mag-isa.

Sobrang dinamdam ko yung pagkawala ng Mom ko, I failed my subjects at syempre nagalit si Dad dahil pinabayaan ko daw ang pag-aaral ko. How can you go on if your only support system e nawala? Kinausap ako ni Ate about it and told me that I can count on her as always, alam ko naman din yon. Parang kahit naman hindi ako paboritong anak ni Dad e never naman akong nagalit sa kapatid ko.

Inayos ko ang pag-aaral ko and did my best to catch up, sa katunayan nga nag advance taking pa ako ng subjects at doon nga naging kaklase ko si Lisa. But still, that's not enough for my Dad. Still not enough and forever not enough for him, so naisip ko why would I try to be like ate when I can be my self?

Sinubukan ko naman diba? Pero hindi naman kasi makikita yung worth mo kapag ang mindset ng isang tao e isa kang failure. So ang ginawa ko, gagawin ko nalang ang gusto ko with or without his consent. Party sa gabi tapos class sa umaga, ewan kung anong pumasok sa isip ko bakit naisipan kong mag poker kahit hindi naman ako marunong.

Doon na nga nangyari yung deal with Lisa.
Lisa wasn't bad at all, I saw her effort and such. Hindi ko alam kung seryoso na ba siya or part pa ba yun ng deal. Noong magpunta kami sa bahay niya nung gabing nalasing ako, that was the first day nagkita kami after the deal.

Something happened and I wasn't too drunk to remember everything. Like how she made ne feel so damn good, like up until today I was craving for that particular touch that I know siya lang makakagawa.

When I woke up that morning hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I scanned your room and saw your drawing materials and other school stuff. Masipag ka naman pala mag-aral. I saw few scratch papers sa study table mo at may nakita akong papel with my name written on it.

Bago mo pa ako mahuli e I quickly grab my phone and took a pic of your note. I went back to bed saka ka lumabas ng CR.

Nakalimutan ko na yung note na yon after we went to school. Sobrang basag ko that day and annoyed at the same time kasi ang kulit mo din. Nagulat nalang din ako nung hapon dahil binigyan mo ako ng flowers at teddy bear.

Hindi naman ako mahirap iimpress kasi lumaki akong Mom ko lang ang kakampi ko kaya I appreciate anything, every single thing. Kaya naman nung nakita ko yon sa sasakyan mo ay napangiti ako. Inihatid mo ako sa bahay non, bago bumaba sa sasakyan naalala ko yung note na nakita ko sa table mo.

Hindi agad ako bumaba dahil binasa ko muna ito at balak ko sana itanong sayo kung para saan yon, kaso lang wala pa sa kalahati ng letter e nagulat na ako. Nakasulat don how you admire me since day 1 and you want to ask me to get off of that deal at totohanin nalang.

Na confuse ako bigla. I am too overwhelmed sa feelings mo towards me, para kasing you're too much and I am a mess. Hindi mo ako deserve at hindi kita deserve, ayokong sayangin mo yung oras mo sa akin. Iniisip ko how to get away with out deal at paano ka madedetach sa akin.

Sabihin mo na madamot ako at selfish pero kahit naman gaano ako kagago ayoko naman makasakit ng tao, I don't hate you and I don't like you as well. Well siguro I like you as a friend at ayokong lumalim pa yon, I saw how persistent you are at sobrang effort. Parang wala naman hindi mafafall sa ginagawa mo. Pero not me and not this time.

Nagkataon naman na nanliligaw sa akin si Kai that time, hindi ko na sinabi sayo dahil wala naman din akong balak ientertain siya. Wala akong balak mag entertain ng kahit sino but I think that's the only way para ma detach ka sa akin.

I know you saw us that day. I feel sad kasi alam kong nasaktan kita but one way or another masasaktan at masasaktan kita kasi nga I am a mess.

I noticed you with Ate days after nung sinabi kong boyfriend ko si Kai. Bagay naman kayo, I am sure ate can handle you. We never talked about the deal anymore, wala narin akong messages na nareceive sayo. But that doesn't mean na tapos na lahat, of course I'll pay naman hindi ako ganon kagago to getaway nalang bigla. Twas a huge amount of money.

--
Nakita kita sa bahay nung birthday ni Ate, I wasn't sure kung kayo na ba pero I heard kung anong pinag-uusapan niyo bago noong papunta ako sa kitchen.

You were laughing and joking around with her, narinig ko rin yung manliligaw thingy na pinag-uusapan niyo. It's fine with me though, I already have Kai anyways.