Next Door

Running in circles

It has been three months, since I tried walking the hallway going to seven eleven.

Since that day, I've never been try again up to now. If I have something want to eat, I easily order for it and ask for a delivery.

Everything I need for my daily routine was already completed. Made sure everything are completely stocked in my storage area.

It's been three years since I started to lived like this.

My parents died in car accident when I was a child and I left alone, plus I used to get bullied causing me to get serious collapsed when my untie decided to send me in school.

My untie was my second mother to me. After my parents burial, she adopted me and treated me like her own daughter.

I've never ask any question of what I am now or even for Everything happened to us especially to me. Cause I know everything happens for a reason. I don't know what kind of reason is but I embraced it instead. 

When I was in college, I still played with by fate. I used to get bullied again countless times and it made me more crazier. I decided myself to hide people. I spending my days and nights in my comfort zone.

Since that "bully" started to hit me again, I've never been getting along with others. I always run only for myself, only with myself maybe in that way I can feel the love even just only in my shadow.

Every time I would come to think hows my life run in years, I can't avoid thinking all of what IFs.

What if, my parents still with me? Do I go through this kind of pain? Those kind of bullies? Those kind of longing? Feeling like 'whatever I could do, there's always missing inside of me'.

I don't know but I think everything becomes worse. To the point that I don't even went to other places and just spent my whole life staring myself thru my shadow.

It's really hard for me to live like this but maybe this is the best thing I can offer to myself, so I let it be.

When my untie died, I just felt like I have no right to live with them, that's the reason why God took them all. Do I need to complain of everything what happened to me? Is everything not enough? Why do I have to feel this way. Do I have enough reason to make myself miserable? Well, I do.

I didn't even have someone I could run to. Sleep in the night hugging my pillow while dreaming of someone walking towards me and would said "everything would be fine, love". It strange but I chose not to think about it. Maybe, it just the result of living alone.

Even tho my life is like a toy like no one cares I still managed to find a place to for me to spend the rest of my life. It's BAGUIO CITY.

Feeling safety and peaceful. I let myself breathe fresh air and captured those kind of arts in front my window.

The view is such a satisfaction of my eye. It's having an innocent view with full of trees like no one will allegedly logging it. I couldn't stop my eyes stares those beautiful mountains and those intersections running by wheels. It's really amazing.

One morning I woke up so early. Just like what the things I did every morning. I opened the curtain of my window and look the house in front of mine and there he is standing of his balcony while holding a cup of coffee.

My window and his balcony are face to each other so I can easily take a glance of him. The man that I always stares every morning. He's so cute!

I even used a telescope sometimes when I'm not satisfied of what I saw or it's blurry. I don't know why I have to do this every morning but it made my day so great so, obviously I made it. 

He live here long time ago. His a licensed doctor and served for a government hospital. He lived his house with his cute dog which I think  makes him happy. Well, I can tell the way he cuddle his cute dog.

The next morning I woke up early to do the things I did for three years. I went straight to the window and open the curtains which cover of it. I took my telescope and pointed to my two eyes.

'There you go' I muttered when I saw him. He was about to leave for work. He left his dog lying under the table but he forgot his electric heater was above on it.

It was about to pulling down directly to the dog. I was in a hurry running to his house just to save the dog. When I came to the door, I directly open it but unfortunately the door was closed.

I crawled the floor and pointed my face to the hole to check if the dog still okay. I forcefully pushed my face to the edge when the door suddenly open.

I stood up shockingly and clean my cloth using my hands. Here I am again making myself embarrassed by others. When I'm done I moved my head to her side but I found myself that I stop breathing.

'Jesus!' The only word that I muttered inside of my head. My eyes widely open when she snapped her finger in front of my face. I went down my head but it makes myself more embarrass.

On that day I really was hoping that the earth would eat me.