Bridge over troubled waters

13| Wait For You

Bailey

Corey ships off back to the home land for a few games and I stay back in Chicago to continue to work. Luckily for me I had a lot of painting to do with the art exhibit coming up. They wanted at least five pieces to show off and besides the music one and the bean one I did recently I wasn't sure what else to bring with me. I had plenty of paintings to choose from, just gotta figure out which ones were the right ones.

So I lock myself in my art studio and throw on my dirtiest smock. I expected to make a mess today which hopefully means something good will come of it. It usually does.

I go over to my speakers that was hooked up to my iPod and look through what I had to set the mood for today. Ultimately when I can't decide on what I want to listen to so I put it on shuffle and move to my stool. I look at the blank canvas and let my heart choose what to paint.

Hours past and I don't even take a bathroom break. I'm not even sure I was blinking at this point. My brush hits the canvas and I paint whatever it is that's on my mind, or in my heart as it seems. As a artist there's only a few times where you feel like you can't put the paint brushes down and I was in that groove.

Eventually my favorite song comes on and I smile to myself. It was a few years old but it's been my favorite song since I first heard it. It was always good for me to paint to and I'm hoping it'll help me finish this piece.

"I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you, and I'm wishing you would come back through my door
Oh, why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone

Girl, you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around, it's a little bit more than I can stand
Oh, and all my tears, they
Keep runnin' down my face
Why did you turn away?"

As the painting starts to come together everything kind of flows out of me. I let my hand and my heart take over as the paint meets the canvas. With all of different colors I had at my disposal I make the cities skyline and the lights from the other night when Corey took me up to the sky deck. I remember it all pretty vividly as that was my most favorite night in a while. Something about that particular moment stuck in my head and it's there in my dreams and every time I close my eyes. And part of me knows I'm never going to forget that night, even without this painting, no matter what I will remember it forever. But another part of me knows that many moments with him are like that and they didn't used to be.

"So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So, baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life."

I stop painting and take a look at it as I set my brush in the black paint I was using to finish it up. While the skyline was fill of colors and lights I painted me and Corey sitting on the top of the tallest building looking down over this incredible place. That night I told him the city is ours... and it felt right. I've been so scared of what he means to me and what he could mean to me if I didn't stop myself from thinking about it constantly.

I look at us on top of this city that is easily becoming ours and I let out a sniffle. My emotions take over once I realize this isn't just a painting. It's a collection of the past two months of being here and being here with Corey.

I know he feels something too, and he can't hide his feelings for me behind a relationship like I can with my feelings for him. He can hide in hockey but whenever I'm around it's never about hockey. Just as when Mark isn't around he's not in my mind either, not even a little bit. When I close my eyes it's not Mark I see, it's Corey and I can't even deny that. Just like it was Corey with me on top of this building looking into the future, not the past.

"Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me?)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) everything stays the same?
I just can't do it, baby

What will it take to make you come back?
Girl, I told you what it is, and it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me?
You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying

Baby, why can't we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was?
If you give me a chance, I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough

So, baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life."

I wipe away a stray tear as I let out a long sigh. I hate this mess I've made. I hate that I thought things would be just like they used to be but hope deep down that it would never be like that again. I don't know what I was expecting when I came here, but I wasn't expecting to have these new feelings for a guy I've known my whole life. How can we go from friends to lovers? I still love Mark and I know we can be good. But I can't honestly believe that Mark can mean the same thing to me that Corey does. No one will and I always knew that. But I never saw Corey as anything other than my best friend up until he was hovering over me on my bed. And I know he would wait forever for me, he won't say anything to me about this because he feels like it's his job that he protects me even if it's from himself.

But maybe I don't need his protection. Maybe I need his love. But maybe that could ruin everything.

"Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby, I will wait for you
Oh
Baby, I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby, I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby, I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting."

I finish painting and I step back. This was as dynamic as the music painting was but this one meant a lot more to me. More than I'm allowed to say so I paint it instead. And now I have this and all I can have is this because this love I have for someone who I shouldn't.