Bridge over troubled waters

45| It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Bailey

After spending a week back home with old friends and family Corey and I return to Chicago. I had a few art things set up and he couldn't stay away from the ice for too long. Goalies are weird creatures and are very religious in the way they prepare themselves. Corey had a good season last year but he wants to get better. So he meets up with some of the other guys on the team who stuck around and I continue to work on my art. We both work on making our dreams a reality and working hard towards becoming everything we could possibly be.

As for today there was a art show in the park and I got to bring out some of my stuff and show it off. I've had a lot of new pieces since I had the art exhibit and a lot of people were interested in what I was doing. If I'm going to stay then I might as well make a name for myself around here. Connect with the people and see my work through their eyes.

So I pick out fifteen of my favorite paintings and bring them to the park. I find the tent with my name on it and smile to myself, that is pretty cool. Corey helps me set up and make sure it all looked good. They were all for sale if someone was interested even though I never really did it for the money. I just wanted to share the things I know with the people of this city. And maybe learn something different from the way they see what I see.

"It all looks great" Corey insists as he steps back to take it all in. He wraps his arm around me as we look at all my hard work.

"You think" I ask.

"I know so" he assures me.

The exhibit gets under way and I talk to a lot of people about what I was trying to do here. I had my pieces from my breakup with Mark and getting together with Corey so it was a wide range of emotions. But I painted them with all my heart and my soul... and my hands.

"What's this piece about" a young lady asks. She looked like a college student who was out just to look around. She had been looking at my stuff for a while but she didn't ask about any of the paintings until now.

I look at the canvas she was talking about, it is the one that was painted all black for the most part. The only source of light is a hallway with a light at the end of it. Under that light is a girl standing there staring at a mirror. On one side is the real her and on the other side it's the her that everyone sees. The real life side is dark and she's crying and she's obviously hurt. She's not bruised or broken, but she was crying and wasn't trying to hide her pain. On the other side she has on full makeup and a fake smile, a bunch of stuff to hide what she really looks like in the light.

"This one is about image. And not so much of how beauty is perceived, it's not about a girl showing how the feels that she is beautiful without makeup or anything like that.

This is a story about a girl who was dying on the inside but she always seemed okay on the outside. Never wanted people to worry about her so she constantly covered up her pain with makeup and a fake smile. She only smiled because she thought if she did it enough it would cover up the fact that she's hurting. But then she realized that at the end of the day that girl she pretends to be is gone and she's left in the dark. She can't see that girl she pretends to be because the light is shining on her, on the real her that's hurting in silence.

Sometimes in life people don't want to see the sad girl, that's why we feel like we need to make ourselves into something totally different in order to be able to fit in out here. We try to hide in the darkness inside us but somehow the light will always show the problems in our life. There's no denying the light that finds us and what it reveals. We can't control that. And putting on a show only makes it harder for people to know your suffering.

I call this piece It's Okay Not To Be Okay to remind us that we don't need to be happy all the time. We don't need to lie to the people who love us because if you're hurting they want to know, they want to help. I'm hoping this could shine the light on other people who suffer in silence too" I explain.

I see a tear in the girls eye as she just smiles. I could just tell she resonated with this piece. "How much do you want for it" she asks me.

I turn to her as she stares at the canvas. "You can take it" I insist.

She turns to me with a surprised expression on her face. "Seriously" she asks.

"Yeah. Because this piece is about hurt and whatever makes you want this, I want you to overcome it. For free" I insist.

"I can't take this from you. I've seen your stuff, you're really good. Your stuff usually sells for hundreds of thousands of dollars. You're the greatest artist in the area that I know of. I can't possibly take this without giving you something" she insists.

I think for a second before I get a idea. "Okay. If you take this I want you to promise me that you'll step out into the light. That you'll stop trying to be someone you aren't because the real you that is broken is better than anyone you can pretend to be" I say.

She smiles up at me as she nods. "Okay, I can do that" she promises.

So I let her take the piece and watch her walk away. I smile to myself because art always helped me and now my art is helping other people. Corey comes over and rests his hands on my waist. "What you just did... that was amazing" he claims.

"It's why I do what I do" I insist.

"How does it feel to have all that power" he teases as I smirk at him.

"It's pretty great. Hopefully it won't all go to my head" I joke. "I don't think it ever could anyway. Your heads big enough for the both of us" I tease as I mess with his hair.

He ducks his head but I still get a good few shakes in. "You suck" he claims.

"Hey, we might be together now but you're still my ass hole best friend" I remind him.

"We'll keep your hands off the hair" he begs.

"Why? It's too easy to mess with you" I insist.

"God what did I get myself into? I signed up for a lifetime of this shit" he jokes.

"Yes you did. You will get a lot of love and a lot of tough love" I promise.

"Good. I can't wait" he smiles.