Bridge over troubled waters

17| Listen To Your Heart

Bailey

I've always been known for my colorful ideas and outfits and paintings. A big part of who I was is being outgoing and vibrant and fun depending on who you ask. So whenever the word party is thrown on something I'm all over it, especially when it's added after the word "Christmas". That makes me really happy.

So when Corey told me about a Christmas party the Hawks wanted to throw I was all over it. I call up some of the other players significant others and we meet for much to throw something together. After figuring it all out we rent out a little restaurant and order a bunch of food. We decide not to do a gift exchange but do other Christmas stuff like a ornament exchange and ugly Christmas sweater contest. Things that would take one day to plan and anyone can join whether you're new here or been doing this for years.

On a rare free night we all gather together down town. We had the place set up nicely and plenty of spiked egg nog to go around. A lot of the players were on the younger side and weren't tied down with families yet. Of course there was a few married men and a few kids running around the UC on game day supporting their dads. But for the most part everyone knew how to party and have a good time.

"Why do you like Christmas so much? I'm almost 100% positive you've never gone to church before" Corey accuses as we hang out. I know we were here to hang out with his friends but I always end up in the corner hanging out with him.

"You're Canadian and you celebrate the 4th of July, you absolutely cannot preach me on this" I counter as I point a stern finger at him.

"I drink almost every day, that doesn't count" he defends.

"Can't I just want to be happy? Does there have to be a reason" I wonder.

"Of course not. But part of me thinks that you still believe in Santa Claus" he accuses.

I just smile as I start to laugh. "I don't. But I believe that the holidays are a special time. People are nice to each other, we care more and do more with out a reason greater than its the holidays. The less fortunate have a reason to smile and people come home for the occasion. The holidays are a time to heal the hurt we've endured this year. Mend the broken and help the blind see what they haven't been able to see for so long. What's not to like" I question.

"Getting punched on Black Friday because your husband wants a flat screen tv for Christmas" he says with a shit eating grin.

"You're such a Scrooge" I scoff.

"Why do I need to like Christmas when you like it enough for the both of us" he asks.

"Because we get to go hang out with our friends then our families are coming in town to celebrate with us. It's going to be so much fun" I argue.

"I don't know, it's never really been that important to me" he shrugs.

"I used to be like that too" I claim. He looks at me weird because for as long as he's known me I've loved the holidays. I doubt he believes that there wasn't a time I cared for it, but it was true. "Up until my sister got sick I hated Christmas. As a kid you want so much and I never really got what I wanted. My parents didn't believe in getting us what everyone else is getting, you know that. They would rather me be a individual than a part of the crowd and at that age I didn't get it. I wouldn't understand what they were trying to do until I was in college.

But when Brianna got sick I realized that Christmas is a time for hope. She seemed happier that time of year and she smiled more. Her last Christmas all she asked for was that her family not be so sad because we knew she wasn't going to make it much longer. The doctors let her come home to spend the holidays with us and it was beautiful. She... she made it so beautiful. So now when I decorate I feel like part of her is still here helping me put up the stockings" I smile.

He pulls me into a nice warm hug and I take no time wrapping my arms around him. I press my face into his chest and I smile. Because while he never liked Christmas all that much, he always met me drag him gift shopping or let me decorate his stuff. He always let his guards down for me as I did for him and that was the greatest gift I could ever have.

We eventually find a table and sit down at it. We strike up a conversation with Marian Hossa and his wife Jana and Brent and his girlfriend Dayna as we wait for everyone to get here. I think we did pretty good with the set up and the Blackhawks themed Christmas tree. The place looked great and it was nice for all of us to be together and just hang out.

"So I heard that you are going to have a stand up at the Art Instute here pretty soon" Brent says and I turn to Corey.

"Seriously" I ask him and he gives me that "I'm innocent" smile.

"I might have mentioned it a few times" he claims.

"He put it in the group message" Marian accuses and I giggle. He starts to blush but I thought it was adorable.

"It's not until January but yeah, I'll have five of my paintings up there for a month" I explain.

"Are they for sale" Jana wonders.

"There's a silent auction for a few of the paintings but I won't know who gets it until the whole thing is over. I've never sold a piece in something like this before so I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's not like a pop up art sale where the most I get is $200, these sell for thousands of dollars and I have no idea what to expect. It's kinda crazy that I've been here for three months and how much movement I've made in my career. I see why people find this place so attractive, there's not much you can want from life and not find it here" I insist.

"Aren't you supposed to leave after a year" Dayna asks.

I let out a long sigh as I look down at my hands in my lap. "Yeah, I'm supposed to. I don't see how I'm going to leave but I don't see how I'm going to stay either. I mean Canada is home, I don't see how I can stay away forever" I admit.

"I used to say the same thing" Dayna says to make me feel better and I smile. "But Canada will always be there for you. The opportunities you have here won't. You gotta recognize when your dreams can grow in one place and wither in another. I miss home too, but being here with Brent and seeing the amount of success and love that is present for us in this city makes it worth the heart ache of missing home" she explains.

"I'm not going to lie, these have been some of the best times of my life. This city and everyone in it has my whole heart" I admit.

"Then listen to your heart" she says as I turn to Corey. "It's what tells you what you want the most."