Bridge over troubled waters

30| Candian Break Up

Bailey

"Dear Bailey,

When we were in high school you were the girl of my dreams. You were that girl who was way out of my league but you still took the time to get to know me. You learned all about me and over time we became good friends. You never left me out of your plans and you always made sure that I was happy. And thanks to you I was. Where most people hated high school I couldn't wait to go to school every day and hang out with you.

Then you went off to college and like a puppy I followed you. We grew closer and closer until we couldn't deny our feelings any longer. We confessed our love one night and I thought you were the one. I knew there wasn't anyone out there better than you and I felt like the luckiest guy in the world because you were mine. I watched you grow and become this incredible women you are today. You never backed down from a challenge and you always did everything with all your heart.

Then we graduated and started to focus on a career. You obviously had a future in art and I was hoping to change the little world that I lived in back home. And we did just that. For a few years after graduating we we going strong. We talked about getting a apartment together and seeing where this thing goes. I thought we were going to last forever.

But then you decided to go away and I decided to stay. We both continued on with our lives together being thousands of miles apart. And I feel like that's when I knew that we weren't what I thought we were going to be. Because I thought you would always be here by my side dancing in public and making terrible jokes every chance you got. But I rolled over in bed most mornings and the other side was empty, I got take out for the third night in a row instead of having a home cooked meal and talking about our days. Everything I loved about us was gone and I felt empty. I felt awful and I couldn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you. I didn't want to lose you, but from the moment you left you were already gone.

I can't do this, act like I can do long distance. I really can't. And it's obvious you're growing into something more than I can handle. I will always support you and cheer you on, but I can't be there for you. And I can't keep acting like I'm happy on my own.

I want you to know that I will always love you and I will always want to be with you. But I can't have you in the way I need so that means I can't have you at all. I need someone to hold and I hate that it can't be you.

I'll forever be jealous of you and Corey because of what you guys have. I know you say that you're just friends but anyone can tell that's just not true, whether you guys want to admit it or not. And I'm not mad at you for wanting to stay with him, you guys have a lot of history and you deserve each other. I believe that whole heartedly.

I wish you nothing but the best Bailey Ray. I hope we can be friends again and I can still be a part of your life, just not the most important part. You're my first love and my true love but sadly not my last one. I know I'll never find a girl as incredible as you but I have to try. I hope I can see you again someday and I hope you're happy when I do.

Much love, Mark."

"This is the most Canadian break up email I have ever read" Corey insists and I roll my eyes. I wipe away a tear as I let out a long sigh.

"Not the point ass hole" I mumble as I sniffle away the rest of the tears.

"I really don't know what to say. I never thought he would be stupid enough to break up with you" Corey claims.

"Yeah, well I got a professional email that says different" I chuckle.

"Yeah. He was kinda of an idiot" Corey insists.

"He was your friend before he was mine" I remind him.

"I know. I'm stupid too" he says obviously just trying to make me smile.

"Yeah you are" I tease and he gasps. He hits my leg with the back of his hand and I finally smile.

"Are you going to be okay" he wonders. I let out a sigh as I look down.

"I think I will be. I wanted this to all be over and it finally is. It's not like this is my first heart break" I admit.

"How many times have you had your heart broken" he wonders.

"Three" I reply. "When my sister passed away, just now.... then when you moved out here for hockey" I explain.

He stops and looks at me as he tries to figure out what I was talking about. "You were heart broken I left? You were in college, you left too" he reminds me.

"I know. But I came home every weekend to see you. I spent every holiday with you and did everything I can to make sure I didn't miss you. But when you came out here I knew that things were going to change. You had to be here and I wasn't getting my passport lit up like a Christmas tree to come see you and you weren't leaving either. O guess it's kinda like how Mark feels right now. I was so scared that the greatest thing I've known was coming to a end. I guess that's why I confided in him so much. To try and fill that void you left when you got on that plane" I say softly.

"I'm never going to give up on you Bailey, you know that" he promises.

"I know. But then you started coming home less and less and not even your parents knew why. I thought... I don't know, maybe you didn't want to see me anymore" I sigh. "I know. It's silly. But I was still heart broken that you were gone."

"I didn't come back because I couldn't take seeing you with him" he claims.

My eyes go big as I look at him. "But why" I ask.

"Because he had you and I didn't. I despised the fact that he got to make you laugh and held you while you cried. I wanted it to be me but I knew I couldn't be there for you. Not yet at least" he says.

I just look at him as he stares into my eyes. I know this is something he has been wanting to tell me but I know that's not all he needed to say. I know there's more but I don't know if I'm ready to hear it. I did just get my heart broken after all.

"Why don't we go get some ice cream" I ask.

"It's like 20 degrees outside" he laughs.

"I'm sad and I want ice cream" I demand.

"Alright alright, we'll get you some ice cream"he says and I smile.

"You're the best Corey" I insist.

"Only for you."