Bridge over troubled waters

27| Honesty

Corey

I'll admit it, I'm a certified dumbass. What most people use as common sense I over think and overanalyze and then I fuck shit up. It's what I do. And this time I made the one person I thought would never be upset with me upset with me. I took the trust that took 18 years to build and I broke it in the matter of seconds. I don't regret telling her I knew, I just regret not telling her sooner. I regret not laying him out when he told me the first time. And I regret not being there for her in this time of need because I took away the one person she though she could always trust no matter what.

But it's in the past now and I can't change what did happen. Only what's going to happen and that's what I'm focused on.

So I leave my place and walk the few steps over to Baileys apartment. I knock a few times before I hear her take the bolt out of the door. She opens it up and I see her in my "I'm sad" shirt she wears when she knows she's not going to be out any time soon and can eat all her feelings in it.

"What do you want Corey" she asks not sugar coating it at all. My face falls once I realized she's still upset with me and I can't really fix it.

"I want to apologize" I beg.

"You have, multiple times" she reminds me.

"I don't know what else to say to get you to understand that I hate myself for not telling you. I hate that I have hurt you in any way. I know what I did was wrong but I just want to protect you" I defend.

"And what if I don't want your protection? What if I just want someone who won't lie to my face thinking they're doing me a favor for once" she asks.

I let out a sigh as I run my fingers through my messy hair. "I fucked up, okay? I know I did. And I know you're hurting and I just want to be there for you" he claims.

"And what if you can't fix this, like... like my camera" she asks.

"What happened to your camera" I wonder.

She moves and points to a hole in the wall and I nod. Got it. "I don't want you to take care of me Corey. I don't want you to tell me everything is going to be okay or that you can fix it. I don't want to hear it" she insists.

"Then what do you want from me" I ask.

She just stares at me as her eyes start to get watery. I fucking hated it when she cried and especially now because she won't let me fix it. "I want this to be over. Part of me just wants to go back home and never come back but I know that doesn't change a whole lot. Just makes me a wimp for going back to what I'm used to and giving up on the amazing things that's happened to me here. But I don't know how much of this I can take. I'm so tired of constantly fighting myself on everything. It's exhausting.

I don't want anything from you Corey, never had. Because everything you are is exactly what I need. I just wish you could have been honest with me" she begs.

"You want honesty" I ask. "I hate that you're with him. I hate that he gets to make you smile and hear you laugh. He doesn't deserve you. And I hate that you stay because you thought he was stable. You thought he was always going to be there for you and that's why you stayed. Not because you found a love that's unbreakable or he makes you feel like forever isn't going to be enough. But because he was safe, or so you thought.

You're a incredible woman Bailey. You don't need him yet you still want him. I get you have history and that you have only had that romantic relationship in your life but it doesn't take someone like me to see that you deserve better than him. He might not cheat and he might not abuse you but he doesn't help you either. He knows you're outgrowing him and that's why he wants you to go home. That's why he didn't want to let you go. Because he knew that you were going to find things here he couldn't give you and he hated it.

So if you want honesty there you have it" I say.

She falls to her knees as she buries her face in her hands. I don't take even a second before I'm down there with her with my arms around her. She lets out some cries as she lets it all out. "I still love him" she whimpers.

"I know Bai" I assure her.

"What do I do? I can't go back, I just can't. There's so much for me here, I still have seven months left in my job. I have so many connections here and so many things I have yet to capture about this place. But I feel like if I don't go back then that's it for us" she sniffles.

"Do what you're heart is telling you to do" I insist.

"I don't know what it wants. It's hurt right now, everything I thought my future was going to be like is nothing but a fever dream now. I don't know what to do" she shakes.

I pull her into my lap and rest her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her to calm her down. I haven't seen her this upset since her sister died.

So I don't say anything. Just hold her in my arms until she was calm again. Eventually her sniffles stop and she looks up at me. "I might have gotten some snot on your shirt" she blushes and I give her a small smile.

"That's okay. I'm gonna go change and go to the store really quick then I'll come back with some pizza and we can watch spongebob all night" I say.

"Really" she asks with a sad smile.

"Yeah" I promise.

She lets me go and I change really quick before going downtown. I go into the nearest store that sold cameras and buy the most expensive one I can find. I don't know anything about photography but for this price there shouldn't be a damn thing it can't do. So I get the camera and pick up some pizza before heading back to the apartment. I go straight into Baileys place and it looked like she picked up. I set the bag in her lap and she looks at me weird.

"What's this" she asks.

"A new camera" I say and she spits out her drink.

"A new camera? Why" she questions as she pulls it out. She gets a good look at it as I sit next to her.

"Because your other one broke" I say.

"I could have gotten a new one myself" she defends.

"I know. But this is a pay back for being part of the reason that you threw it in the first place" I shrug.

"It's perfect Corey, thank you" she says.

"Any time" I promise.