Bridge over troubled waters

47| I'm Sorry

Corey

Back when we were in high school I took an art class just so I could hang out with Bailey during school. We tried out best to get our schedules to sync up but even though we signed up for the same stuff she was usually in a higher level class or they separated us on purpose because they knew better. But they only offered one art class so they had to put her and I together.

As you suspected I sucked at it, by a artistic and a curriculum standard. I had no business being in that class. Even if I was good at it I still spent most of my time admiring Bailey doing what she loves most and not listening to what the teacher was saying. She always supported me with hockey and I promised to support her and her dreams too. And so I sat there and watched her create some amazing things. Even in high school she had a style of her own. Not even our teacher could deny it, even though she didn't really follow curriculum the schools had for art classes. Bailey knew true art didn't have letter grades or percentages. Art came from within and it was the only way she knew how to express herself.

So today I was watching her paint as I try to focus on what she was making and not the way her bright blue eyes shine as she creates her pieces. Or the way she bites her bottom lip when she messes up a little. I know I was supposed to be here to be inspired by art but I was only inspired by the one who makes it.

After she sketches a rough draft she starts to transfer the painting onto the canvas. There was four hands from two different people holding up a sphere as the hands made the world they wanted to be in. It was a beautiful concept, one that a lot of people think is just a fever dream. Something that's unobtainable, to be able to create something so big and so beautiful with just four hands. Two minds, one soul.

But to her and I all we need is our hands to make this life into whatever we want. We live in the world given to us but we make our lives into whatever we want it to be. And that's just what we were going to do.

"Hey Bailey" I ask.

"Mhmm" she mumbles as she continues to paint.

"How come you're so good at painting" I wonder causing her to giggle. She continues to paint because at this point in her life it's first nature.

"Back when I was a little girl, before my sister got sick and she was just a happy toddler I would always take care of her. Like she was my own kid even though I was just a kid myself. And before you were my best friend she was my best friend. We did everything together.

And she was the artistic one growing up, not me. I tried to keep up with her but I never did. She was one of those freak of nature talented kids. Most kids didn't know how to hold a pencil at her age but she could draw anything she saw. And I was okay with it because every time she gave me a drawing of her and I my heart grew more and more.

Then she got sick and those drawings meant everything to me. I still have every single one of them. They inspire me because if her drawings could bring me that much joy, that much love, then I can do the same for others" she explains.

"That's how I feel when I watch you paint" I admit. "If it was up to me I would buy all of your stuff because you reflect in them so much. The beauty, the love, the passion, it's all there. And the fact that you do this to remember your little sister, it makes them even more beautiful" I insist.

She finally looks up from the painting as she turns to me. She stops painting and just stares at me for a second. "I don't like to live my life with regret. There's a lot I want to take back, especially when it comes to having time with my sister, but I don't regret a single thing we did. I did everything I could with her, made her smile as much as I could and loved her with all my might. I don't like using the word regret because that means I had the opportunity to do something and I didn't. I was too weak or too afraid to create the waves.

But when it comes to being with you I regret not letting go sooner. I don't regret anything but that. I didn't want to let go because I didn't know what I would lose in doing so. What part of myself would have to go with everything else. But I didn't know what I would gain either, otherwise I would have told you that I loved you long ago" she explains.

"That's the one regret you have in your life" I ask.

"Yeah" she says softly.

I get up form my stool I was occupying and move over to where she was sitting. I take the paintbrush out of her hand and I stand between her and the canvas. I softly rest her head against my chest as I hug her tight. "I don't want to be the only regret you have in your life" I insist. That's no way to love.

"We could have been married with kids by now. We could have had our world in our hands by now, but I couldn't let go" she whispers.

"None of that matters Bails. What matters is here and now. And I'm ready to hold your hands and hold the world we create in them. We have the rest of our lives to make our perfect world" I promise her.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you every chance I had. I'm sorry I hid in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere because I was scared to lose you. I'm so sorry" she sniffles.

"Oh baby" I sigh as I pull her face up. I wipe the tears out of her eyes as she hiccups. "I'm not sorry. We weren't ready yet. You and I were always meant to be and there's no timeline on when we would be. I would wait forever for you. You know that" I assure her.

"But we could have been amazing" she whimpers.

"We will be. We are going to make this world something we can be proud of" I promise.

I turn and look at the painting and smile. Because she can create anything in this world, anything, and she wants to create it with me.