Bridge over troubled waters

14| Sweater Weather

Bailey

While Corey was out of town my family decided to keep me company because nothing good ever happens when I'm left alone. I basically come with a warning sign on my forehead that's says "she's book smart but don't be fooled, she's actually a idiot". So I invite my family to come over and Corey let's them stay at his place because he's a sweetheart. So I get everyone settled in before my dad begs me to take him to the United Center. Even though he's a Canadiens fan he's been a Blackhawks fan since 2005 when Corey got drafted here.

My dad and Corey has such a strong relationship. He was Corey's coach for the longest time, and even when Corey moved on to bigger and better things than what was offered in our little old town Corey still asked my dad to watch his tapes and talk about what he can fix. My dad loved it because Corey's the only one of his athletes that made it to the NHL. Corey was like a third son to him and I know he's bummed he's not around to hang out like we did in the good old days. But we will have the Mitchells and Crawford's back together again soon enough. Maybe this summer we can back home and have a good old fashion family reunion for a day or two.

Until then I was going to take my dad and the rest of my family to the United Center so they would stop asking me to go. As soon as we get inside my dad starts to fangirl like the hockey loving Canadian he is. He followed the Blackhawks last year and watched them hoist the cup above their heads for the first time in a long time. He might be a Canadiens fan but he loves hockey all the same at the end of the day. And now that he's here I know he's going to have a few Blackhawks items in his closet.

"Oh my god... this is awesome" he gasps as we walk around. We continue to look around and although the circus was here it's still decorated for the Bulls and Hawks. This is still a tourists spot no matter who is here.

"Do you think we'll see Michael Jordan in here" my older brother Brady questions as I roll my eyes.

"He owns a NBA team in North Carolina ... he's not going to be walking around Chicago" I scoff.

"You never know" he argues.

"I like my chances on this one" I defend.

"Oh look" my mom cheers mostly trying to end the impending argument that was about to happen. She points to a huge banner of Corey hanging up and I smile. That's my boy.

"Damn, he's looking god for a 25 year old rookie" Bennett says.

"Right. And by the time you're 25 you will still be in med school probably with grey hairs" I tease.

"Alright alright you have a point" he laughs.

After I show them around we go to the gift shop and they all look for little Crawford things to bring home and show to everyone around town. Brady gets a shirt with his name and number on it and Bennett picks out baseball cap. My parents get his jersey like it's their own kid. They'll probably have them sign it and hang it up in the house. As long as they don't take down one of my paintings or pictures I'm okay with it.

I walk over to the jerseys and pick out one of Corey's. He used to give me his ones in high school because I was always cold no matter where we were or what time of the year. I guess in a way he's been looking over me for years now and that will never change. Luckily for me.

"You should get it" my mom says as she points at the jersey in my hand.

I send her a unsure smile as I let out a short breath. "I don't know. When would I wear it" I ask.

"Oh I don't know, to his games maybe. You never miss a home game" she teases.

"Don't you think it would send the wrong message" I ask.

"Baby what message are you trying to send" she asks.

I turn back to the jersey in my hand and look at his name on the back. If it was on my back that's a whole different story and I'm not trying to complicate things more than they are. "I don't know anymore momma. I'm lost" I admit.

She pulls me to the side but I keep the jersey with me. My dad and brothers become preoccupied with the air hockey machine and I get a talking to from my mom.

"What's going on" she asks me.

I just shake my head as I close my eyes. "I don't know. That's what's so scary" I whisper.

"Is this about Corey" she wonders. I nod my head as she places her hand on my opposite shoulder and pulls me into her chest. "Did he hurt you" she asks.

"No. In fact he's been a little too good to me" I claim.

"How is that possible? He's treated you like a queen since you were in grade school" she reminds me.

"I know, but it's different now. The way he looks at me makes me feel... beautiful. The way he holds me makes me feel like I'm home even though I'm thousands of miles from it. The way he smiles at me every time he sees me makes my heart race. The way he compliments me makes my cheeks burn.

It never used to be like this. It was always friendly and we could just be ourselves and keep moving forward. But now when he touches me or looks me up and down or calls me beautiful it's like time stops. And for a moment I forget about the life I'm living and I get sucked into this fantasy where it's him and I like always. But this time it's different" I try to explain.

My mom rubs my arm as she tries to piece together her motherly advice. "I'm sorry sweetie, but it looks like you got bit by the love bug" she says.

"I was afraid you were going to say that" I mumble.

"Why would this be a bad thing? You guys are meant for each other one way or another. Why is it bad this way" she asks.

"Because I've known my Corey for nearly my whole life. He knows me better than anyone and I know him better than anyone. We work so well together as friends and I don't want to lose that. I don't want any of this to change because I can't control my emotions" I insist.

"It's called falling for a reason" she argues.

"And I don't want anyone to get hurt when we hit the ground" I say.

"I don't think he would let that happen. I'm pretty sure that boy has loved you since high school. He's waited this long, why keep him waiting longer" she asks.

"Because this isn't what he needs, this isn't what we need right now. I'm here for a year and then what? We get together and I leave? That would break my heart. And what if we get together and it doesn't work out and I lose the best relationship I've ever known. I lose the best thing I could ever call my own because I thought that I could date my best friend. I would rather have him as a friend than not at all" I whisper.

"You're scared" she notices.

"I'm terrified of what can happen. And what about Mark? It's been five years and I can't throw them all away because I love him too. Just in a different way" I sigh.

"You got yourself in a pickle there eh" my mom asks.

"Quite a few of them" I insist.

"Well only you know what's going to be best. I get you don't want to lose Corey and Mark because you're having these feelings, I really do. But from what I can tell it's not very hard to see where your heart is at right now" she says as she points to the jersey in my hand.

"I just... I want him to be happy" I sniffle.

"Trust me baby, no one makes him happier than you. And I didn't think that could ever change" she insists.