Bridge over troubled waters

29| Not Nothing

Bailey

"Flashback

October 12th 2001

Senior year

"So you're telling me that you and Corey could never get married" my friend Addison asks me at lunch one day. Corey was still in line getting his food before he joins us. My eyes stay on him as I just smile at the question my friend just asked me.

"I don't see how we could get married. He's my best friend, always has been, always will be" I defended.

"You're supposed to marry your best friend" she teases.

I just smile as I look down. I had on his hockey jersey because he had a game today and I always supported him. Even if he plays for a team across this country I'll still wear his colors, whatever they may be. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, I like him. He's my favorite person in the world and I'm not sure any guy will ever be higher in my eyes. But I don't get how we can go from hugging to kissing and it won't be totally awkward. Every time I try to date other guys they get mad at how close I am with Corey so I'm not sure I can get married to someone else anyway" I giggled.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but you guys belong together. You're the happiest couple in school and you're not even dating" she argued.

"I just... he's everything to me. And I don't want to mess it up and then he becomes nothing. We've been through everything together and I don't remember having to get through something by myself. He's always been there for me and I don't want to lose that because I think I can handle a relationship with someone who is basically a part of my family" I sighed.

She rested her hand on my back and rubbed it until I feel a little better. "Everything good here" Corey asked as he sat down across from me. The worry written across his face as he tried to see what's happening with me.

"Yeah" I smiled. "Just nervous about exams" I said.

"Well don't be. You're the smartest girl I know" he claimed. My smile pulls a little tighter as I looked up at him.

"Thanks Apple Core" I replied.

We finish up with lunch and got to our next class. I had english with Corey and I was excited to read a little and talk about it. So Corey and I take our seats in the back and I pull out a book. He watches me closely as I try to act like I didn't notice him staring, but I always did. "What" I finally asked.

"Nothing" he insisted as he turns around.

"It's not nothing" I argued. I knew him better than that.

He turned back to me as he lets out a sigh. "I just... I'm really happy we're friends" he claims and I smile.

"Yeah Cor, me too" I smiled."

I snap out of the day dream when I see the pictures on my laptop scrolling across the screen. Pictures of my life in high school flash by and I smile to myself. Things were so simple back then, what I would give to be back there surrounded by friends and not worrying about relationships falling apart. About jobs and supporting myself and not being such a fuck up. I knew exactly what I wanted and how it should be and it was that simple. But now I couldn't be more confused.

After the dust settled on all the fighting and arguments Mark and I decide to try and work things out. We still talk every day and we still love each other very much. We couldn't give up on our love like that. So we were going to try and get through this, see it through the end, whenever that may be.

And it's not going to be easy. But nothing worth having ever is. I know that I can still try and work things out but not lose who I am. I'm very good at apologizing for things I don't do and jeopardizing who I am for other people just so things are fixed. But I'm putting my foot down this time. I'm going to do what's best for me this time around and hope it's the right decision.

As of right now I was picking which pictures to send off to my photography agency back home. Luckily I'm not a complete idiot for I downloaded the pictures off my camera before I decided to explode it into the wall. Which I really need to get repaired now that I think about it. But first I was going to look through and edit some of the pictures.

I click through and smile at all the places I've been. From the beach to the pier to Wrigley to Lake Shore Drive to Michigan Ave to the park. There's really no place in this city where you aren't surrounded by incredible sights and I couldn't wait to show it off to everyone back home.

I get back to the first pictures I took when I got here and I come across one that made me smile. It was of Corey the first few days when he found me in the city. How he found me in that mess of a city I still don't quite understand. But he did and this picture captured the moment I knew things were different.

I print off the picture and I hold it in my hands. I look at his goofy smile he only does when he sees me. Part of me wishes he could just tell me that he loves me, that he truly loves me. Then I wouldn't feel like this is all so crazy. Like me being here was only half of the plan. But I'm too scared to ever see myself as more than a friend to Corey. I always have been. He thinks so highly of me and what if that changes? What if he snores? What if I snore?

I get broken out of my trans with the knock of the door. I really need to stop slipping off like that, it can't be healthy.

I set the picture down and go to the door. I see Corey standing there and smile to myself. It's like he knows when I'm thinking of him. "What's up" I say as I answer the door.

"Can you do me a huge favor" he asks.

"Yeah, what's up" I wonder.

"Can you call my mom and tell her you're not upset with me anymore? She's threatening to come down here and fix everything and she doesn't believe me that it's all good now" he says bashfully and I smile.

"You have a great mom" I tell him as I take out my phone.

"Sure, that's what you think" he mumbles.

"She's been nothing but great to you" I remind him.

"She has. But she still scares me" he claims and I smile.

"Like a good mother should."