Hold On (Book 1 of It's Not Over)

It's Still Christmas... Even Without the Snow

Warnings: Self harm, panic attack, Remus, fluff, homophobia, transphobia

A/N: There's just some general not niceness in this chapter. I'll try to sprinkle fluff between the not nice scenes. The fluff is a warning because one of my readers on AO3 "died" from a fluff overload last chapter. This is death free book gosh darn it. That goes for characters and readers (people dead before the book starts don't count).

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I woke up to a scared, teary-eyed Patton shaking me violently. I let out a soft groan and pushed his hands away. "What's wrong," I yawned. I was more concerned than I sounded, but conveying emotions when the sun is barely even up is a lot of work.

"It's Logan," he whispered, voice quivering.

"What's Logan?" I sat up in bed, careful not to wake Roman. Pushing my bangs out of my face, only to have them fall back into place, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and checked the clock. Three in the morning? What could possibly be wrong with anyone at three in the fucking morning?

Patton motioned for me to follow him and I quietly did so, immediately missing the warmth of my bed and the jock in it. Silently we made our was to the bathroom where I could hear my best friend crying.

Frowning I gently pushed open the door that was already cracked. "Lo?" The sight that met me when I looked in at my friend broke my heart.

Logan sat on the side of the tub, several thin red lines running across each of his arms, and tears running down his cheeks. His eyes weren't focused and he was hyperventilating. Thank goodness Patton came to get me.

I instructed my brother to go into Logan's room and get him a clean set of pajamas. While he did that I pulled out the first aid kit and set it on the floor beside Logan's left leg.

"Hey, Lo. It's Virgil. Are you okay?"

He shook his head no.

"Can you talk to me?"

Again he shook his head.

"Okay. That's okay. I'll do all the talking. What we need to do is clean and bandage your arms. Is it okay if I touch you?"

He nodded and I let out a relieved sigh. Kneeling in front of the younger teen I opened the first aid kit and began to gently clean his forearms, talking gently to him as I did so. Once all of the blood was cleaned up I gently bandaged each arm.

"Patton went to get you some clean clothes. While he's doing that can you try breathing with me? You've stopped hyperventilating, but your breathing still isn't calm. We don't wanna get sick or pass out. So, can you breathe with me, Lo?" I took one of his hands in mine and gently placed it to my chest, taking deep slow breaths. Logan tried to follow, but couldn't. We tried a couple more times with no success and Logan started getting worked up again.

"It's okay, Logan. It's okay."

Patton came in with the pajamas, his face red. Obviously from rubbing at his tears. We helped Logan get out of his bloodied pajamas and into the clean pair. While Patton put the dirty clothing in the wash I led Logan back to his room.

By this time Roman had woken up and was drowsily making his way towards us. "Wha's goin' on?" He mumbled. He woke up fully once he saw Logan. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah. I think it's just a panic attack. Go back to bed. I'll be there when I've got him calmed down."

Roman ignored me and moved closer to Logan. "Is it okay if I pick you up? Virge is kinda short and you don't look like you feel to well. I wanna make sure you make it to your room okay."